508. Condemned

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I sobbed again, into the wee hours;

Silently, as I lie in my bed.

There’s no reason to explain why.

No one cares what goes on in my head.

There’s no use crying. There’s no use talking.

I know I’ll suffer until I die.

Everything that I do or don’t,

Is considered my fault or a lie.

I’ll always be the criminal and scum,

While all those who hurt me move along.

They get to live. Be seen as good;

And I scrape by….Always in the wrong.

Tell me what’d I do to deserve this life?

To warrant such hatred and such pain?

I longed to be a good person,

But a bloodied soul just leaves a stain.

No matter where I go, it follows me,

Leaving paths of contempt to my door.

Go ahead and burn my house down.

It has happened countless times before.

I sobbed again, into the wee hours;

Ostracized and punished ’til the end.

Why do the monsters get to live,

While I’m forced into darkness,…condemned?

K. Aldaya, 1/15/20

Picture: By: Mxsh on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/T9THJMIIMPM

507. Endless Joy

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Your presence brings me so much joy.

The smile on your face.

The stars in your eyes.

I can not place,

Such a prize.

You are my life and my meaning.

I wake to greet you.

Each day is a gift,

When spent with you;

And loads lift.

With you, time no longer exists.

It stands still,…waiting,

For moments to pass;

While the world moves on, debating,

Time’s length and mass,…

Which I feel justified stating,…

Is endless, with you.

K. Aldaya, 1/13/20

Picture: By: Matt Hoffman at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/vL300WiTaMs

506. My Feelings Are Mine, Not Yours

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You’re mad at me ’cause I don’t talk,

When there are so many reasons why.

One is that nothing I say is right.

People believe what they want, so why try?

You don’t care that I am silent.

You care that you can’t manipulate.

If staying safe’s a slight against you,

It’s precisely why I absquatulate;

‘Cause of course I have my reasons.

However, you don’t care about those.

In fact, you solely care ’bout yourself.

Through the years your selfishness only grows.

Sorry you do not own my soul,

Where words and musings are mine to hide.

So go on assuming and shaming.

You can’t steal away what I feel inside.

My feelings are mine, not yours!

K. Aldaya, 1/12/20

Picture: By: Jessica Favaro at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/973vRak-llM

505. A Pebble

No one has time for me.

They’re too busy living.

They look away and don’t see,

How much that I need them.

It’s too complicated.

Too complex for a quick fix,

And everyone’s jaded,

By instant reward culture.

There is no time to care,

So I’m blamed for my state,

Of hopelessness and despair;

And stepped on as they pass…

Running: So they won’t know,

How deeply they have stomped me,

And how far below,…

I lie in humanities’ dust.

K. Aldaya, 1/7/20

Picture: By: Meghan Schiereck on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/9-Xg-uK9KiU

504. Speechless

You never called.

You never asked why.

You stayed away,

And there was no goodbye.

You didn’t care,

That the doorway was empty.

You closed the door,

And forgot all about me.

It’s true what they say,

You can’t pay people to care.

They listen emotionless…

Apathetic in your despair.

You open your heart.

Trust in the process,

And it takes only one bad day,

To see it’s all useless.

No, I didn’t die…

Well at least in a way.

I still have a voice,

But there’s nothing left to say.

I have no more words.

I gave them all away,

And none of them found,

A safe place to stay.

You never asked,

What I couldn’t tell.

You didn’t look for me,

And I stumbled and fell…

Silent.

K. Aldaya, 1/6/20

Picture: From: Petaru Dansu; https://www.soompi.com/article/1310835wpp/k-pop-stars-reveal-their-own-struggles-with-mental-illness