504. Speechless

You never called.

You never asked why.

You stayed away,

And there was no goodbye.

You didn’t care,

That the doorway was empty.

You closed the door,

And forgot all about me.

It’s true what they say,

You can’t pay people to care.

They listen emotionless…

Apathetic in your despair.

You open your heart.

Trust in the process,

And it takes only one bad day,

To see it’s all useless.

No, I didn’t die…

Well at least in a way.

I still have a voice,

But there’s nothing left to say.

I have no more words.

I gave them all away,

And none of them found,

A safe place to stay.

You never asked,

What I couldn’t tell.

You didn’t look for me,

And I stumbled and fell…

Silent.

K. Aldaya, 1/6/20

Picture: From: Petaru Dansu; https://www.soompi.com/article/1310835wpp/k-pop-stars-reveal-their-own-struggles-with-mental-illness

488. Migraine in the Explain

Speak…No one hears a peep…

Inside myself, I fall asleep;

Tired of trying to explain.

I am but a migraine,

Which hurts too much to think.

Mute…No one cares a hoot…

Inside myself, there’s a dispute.

Screams and wishes to explain;

Yet, no one hears a migraine…

They hurt too much to say.

K. Aldaya, 8/27/19

Picture: By: Carolina Heza at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/0lD4hF1fBv0

462. The Sinner

Pulled apart. I come undone.

From the start I’m forced to run.

Run from one point to another.

I am me and then the other.

Words confound. I spin in place.

I make no sound. My words: they race,…

Inside myself where they collide,

And try to escape to the outside.

Drained and weak. I grip my heart.

I can’t speak. I’m torn apart.

My heart beats, and beats, and beats,

While inside, history repeats.

Pulled apart. I come undone.

Will this fight ever be won?

For as in war, there are no winners.

There are no saints, only sinners.

K. Aldaya, 12/28/18

Picture: https://rightsinfo.org/excluded-schoolchildren-at-serious-risk-of-knife-crime-and-youth-violence/

422. My Voice Has Left Me For a While

photo-1527137342181-19aab11a8ee8

My voice has left me for a while.

I know not where it goes.

I only know sometimes it leaves,

And I wait for it’s return,

With soft, restless heaves.

When the air is still and silent,

And ghosts at last have fled…

Away from the warm glow,

Of your eyes and countenance.

It’ll again return, I know.

For now, I sit and write the words,

My voice can not yet say.

Please, won’t you sit with me and wait?

As I rest upon your shoulder,

And pray it’s not too late?

That my voice will return to me,

As swiftly as it left,

Before the night’s too dark to see,

The path it travels,

And ne’er returns to me.

My voice has left me for a while.

I know not where it goes.

I only know sometimes it leaves;

And in my head I hear a song,

Which no one else perceives.

K. Aldaya, 1/5/18

Picture: By: Anthony Tran on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/vXymirxr5ac

16. No Words

There are no words to speak,

What I feel inside at my peak.

There are no words to see,

What is going on inside of me.

There are no words to hear,

Of what is in my heart to fear.

There are no words to tell,

What I know so very well.

There are no words at all,

To express what’s beyond this wall.

K. Aldaya, 8/11/03

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://www.vasquevuelas.mx/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/my-lips-are-sealed.jpg