Tag: dissociative identity disorder

582. I’m Still Me

Everything I longed to be,

I could never be,

For I could never find my way,…

Back, to all of me.

Everything I longed to do,

I could never do.

Thoughts and memories…too fragile.

Dreams always fell through.

Everything I have longed for,

All of it and more,

Was not to be my destiny,

No, not anymore.

Everything I longed to be,

I could never be,

I am everything I am,…

Just,…separately;

And though I’ll never live it all,

I know I’m still me.

K. Aldaya, 5/16/22

Picture: By Jackson Simmer on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/ZxRHtPacwUY

581. I Am a Secret

I am a secret,

That no one wants to hear,

Yet, still, I exist,…

Tiptoeing ever near,…

And far.

I am a secret,

Which travels in the light,

Too bright to be seen,…

For blinding is the sight,…

Of truth.

I am a secret,

That no one wants around,…

Uncomfortable,…

And shake the very ground,…

Beneath.

I am a secret,

Which longs to be released,…

Under the table,

Just beyond life’s blithe feast,…

Of lies.

I am a secret,

That no one wants to hear.

I wander, unheard,…

Outside the atmosphere,…

Breathless.

I am a secret,

Which finds it hard to breathe,

In thick carelessness,…

Strangling,…while others seethe:

“Go! Leave!”…

“No one will believe”…

…”No one will believe”.

K. Aldaya, 4/24/22

Picture: By Hasan Ouajbir on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/GeH1kcP4u7o

573. Debatable Dissociative Dilemma

I’ve been alive for so many years,

And I still have yet to live one day.

In and out. Young and old. Never me.

Never alive,…Not fully.

How to fix it? No one knows.

There are plenty of theories out there:

Ignore it. Isolate. Integrate.

Though perhaps, one simply can’t change fate?

If worsened, we’re told we’re not trying.

If bettered, it does not last one storm.

Here and there. Lost and found. Harmed and cured.

No one has the final word…

While we wait around in clouds of chaos,

Praying to Gods that do not save us…

Looking to men who can’t save themselves,

To know how to reach all of our selves.

K. Aldaya, 2/13/22

Picture: By Vladislav Nahorny on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/87KPQJWcC9c

536. The Program

The mind is a prison,

And it’s always the same.

Nowhere to go to,

And an air of shame,

Floats right on through;

While the doors remain locked,

And darkness protrudes,

‘Til life only exists,

In despondent attitudes,…

And the outside exits.

No one will save us.

This is a life sentence,

Where no matter how you try,

You won’t receive penance,

At least not ’til you die.

A prisoner to the end,

There is no refuge in or out.

It’s either solitude and darkness,

Or the freedom of chaos and self-doubt;

For a day,..an hour,…maybe less.

The mind is a prison,

And it’s always been this way,

And the outside world, the only place to get away.

……………..*Running a prisoner trace*……………..

  1. She’s locked away…
  2. She’s locked away…
  3. She’s locked away…
  4. She’s locked away…
  5. She’s out today…
  6. She’s locked away…
  7. She’s locked away…
  8. She’s locked away…
  9. She’s out today…
  10. She’s locked away…
  11. She’s locked away…
  12. She’s locked away…
  13. She’s locked away…
  14. She’s lost her way…
  15. She’s locked away…
  16. She’s locked away…
  17. She’s locked away……………..

K. Aldaya, 1/31/21

Picture: Original Source Unknown; https://www.docbyte.com/blog/ocr-ai-digital-eyes-mailroom