511. Rollercoaster

Life’s a rollercoaster,

That I don’t get to ride.

I am stuck upon the tracks,

With nowhere to run, or hide.

I hear people laughing,

As they go about their day…

Talking…moving…experiencing…

Fun and joy along the way;

While I ponder what it’s like,

To live instead of survive,

Without fear of being hurt,

Simply for being alive?

I yell, though there’s no help.

Some suffer, while others enjoy.

My pain won’t stop the ride of life,

From continuing to run and destroy.

Life’s a rollercoaster,

That I don’t get to ride;

Instead, I lie upon the tracks,

Knowing that soon I will die;

And my body fall through the cracks…

…Unnoticed.

K. Aldaya, 2/20/20

Picture: By Tore Odiin on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/qhJwkgRl9Hg

478. The Elsewhere

In the stillness of night she leaves,

The world and time behind.

She slips out of her bones,

And deep into her mind;

Where dream and reality meet, and,…

Breath upon breath create,…

Life, in desolation.

Feeling’s merely innate.

A door appears, she touches the knob,

And turns it, but slightly.

With a click, it opens.

She enters and closes it tightly.

Within is shelter, and protection;

Lost,…misplaced from the start.

Yearning becomes misery,

When men forget the heart.

Would you seek and pull her out from there?

Would you tell her she’s wrong?

That she’s better off staying,

And just suffering along?

For who knows what the answer should be,

To loss and sentiment.

If time can’t be rewound,

Should love and safety remain absent?

In the stillness of night she leaves,

To find what can not be.

Life is not fair they say,

And nothing is for free.

So, do not judge as she slips away,

Out of her bones and mind.

Oft’ we must seek elsewhere,

That which we’ve yet to find.

K. Aldaya, 5/25/19

Picture: By Sam Burriss on Unsplash; https://themighty.com/2017/10/how-to-help-dissociative-episode/

466. I Was Born to Endure Destruction

I was born to endure destruction.

It’s in my nature to survive.

My mind is not immortal,

And it fights to stay alive.

I was born to endure destruction.

When broken…I’d rebuild.

I’ve been demolished many times,

Though I have not been killed.

I was born to endure destruction.

All the pieces left: They are me,…

But you call me a liar,

And reply that, “It can’t be!”.

I was born to endure destruction.

Cracks run throughout my brain.

You may believe it can not be,

Yet those lines kept me sane.

I was born to endure destruction,

It’s in my nature to survive.

My mind is not immortal,

And it fights to stay alive.

K. Aldaya, 1/27/19

448. Replicant

trailer_poster_wide

I didn’t want to be someone,

I hardly recognize,

Yet pain, it changes everyone…

In time.

Every day I am further from,

The soul I used to be;

Closer to who I have to be…

To survive.

The tragedy of life is that,

Time changes everyone,

And one day when we look in the mirror we don’t recognize…

Anyone.

So here I am: A replicant,

Of who I used to be.

I want to live, but yet I can’t;

So I live on, not as me,…

But as you.

K. Aldaya, 7/6/18

Replicant

Picture: Alicia Vikander in Ex Machina; http://exmachina-movie.com/

417. I Dare You!

lisbethalarmgif

I dare you to try and placate my rage.

I dare you: Try and put me in a cage.

I dare you to try and fight ‘gainst your fate.

I dare you: Repent, before it’s too late.

I dare you to perceive how ‘real’ pain feels;

Pain without pleasure, assuage, or appeals.

I dare you to try and tread on my back.

I dare you. Step forward, coward. Attack!

You are a coward. A killer. A cad.

You want a victim? Well, that is too bad.

I dare you to try and silence my voice.

There’s only one option. Only one choice.

I dare you to laugh aloud at my pain.

I dare you to cut…Leave another stain.

For as long as I have an ounce of life,

You better watch your back, ’cause I have your knife!

K. Aldaya, 11/17/17

Picture: Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander in “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo“; http://www.curiouswriter.com/lisbeth-salander-is-back/