573. Debatable Dissociative Dilemma

I’ve been alive for so many years,

And I still have yet to live one day.

In and out. Young and old. Never me.

Never alive,…Not fully.

How to fix it? No one knows.

There are plenty of theories out there:

Ignore it. Isolate. Integrate.

Though perhaps, one simply can’t change fate?

If worsened, we’re told we’re not trying.

If bettered, it does not last one storm.

Here and there. Lost and found. Harmed and cured.

No one has the final word…

While we wait around in clouds of chaos,

Praying to Gods that do not save us…

Looking to men who can’t save themselves,

To know how to reach all of our selves.

K. Aldaya, 2/13/22

Picture: By Vladislav Nahorny on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/87KPQJWcC9c

470. It’s Only Fair

black-and-white-girl-nature-photography-Favim.com-356563

They say that life,…it isn’t fair.

That the best of us die young;

And men who live until old age,

Still die with songs unsung.

Yet tears give life to the Earth,

And the dead find a place to lie.

You raped me, but it’s alright;

‘Cause I,… I watched you die.

It’s said that there is a plan,…

Some meaning to it all.

Yet I find it hard to sleep at night,

As people rise and fall.

Will anyone remember you?

Will they laugh or will they cry?

You raped me, and it’s not alright,

Yet I…, maybe I should feel glad,…

For I,…I watched you die.

Did the angels ever get to fly or is it just a tale,

Told by early men who died by both monster and sail?

I do not know much of it,

Though I fear it’s all comforting lie.

Those who hurt, rape, and kill,…

One day they too will die.

Is death the great equalizer?

In death is all made right?

Will the criminals and the victims,

Go together toward the light?

All men are born victims,

And even criminals cry;

And even though you hurt me,

I didn’t want you to die.

K. Aldaya, 3/24/19

Picture: Original Source Unknown; http://favim.com/image/356563/

120. The Storm

Not all is lost,

In the flashing of light;

In the heavy charred and scarred…

Twirling…whirling, as fairies in twilight.

Calming: distrust.

For not all is lost,

In the brazen cold rain,

Brutal sun-execution.

Darkn’ning…yet hark’ning…

A mighty pound gain.

Quiet: chaosed.

Not all is lost,

See? Can you see tragedy?

Bolts of swift tumult reign.

Hear? Can you hear?

Look A man on the sea!

Conceiving this tempest,

With power embossed.

To calm, when timely, the storm within thee!

K. Aldaya, 2/3/05

Picture: “Lightning Storm At Beach Over The Atlantic Ocean” by Kim Seng: http://captainkimo.com/; http://imgarcade.com/1/lightning-ocean-storm/

82. Unspeakable

I can’t even speak what I’m feeling,

And if I did I’d hurt others.

It’s best if I don’t say a thing,

To save the life of all others.

I cannot leave, but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

I’d have to be selfish to speak out,

Since I’m the deserver of pain.

What can I do to spare all,

From seeing in what bed I’ve lain?

I cannot leave, but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

I need to somehow make two,

A me to stay and a me to go,

One to keep all others happy,

The other to seek the suns’ glow.

I cannot leave but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

I must keep fighting and hiding,

For the sake of all others near.

It’s what I always must bear,

I must silence now all of the fear.

(Cover, wipe, hide every tear!)

I cannot leave but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

K. Aldaya, 10/7/04

Picture: “Gallows” by HORNEDQUAD on Deviant Art; http://hornedquad.deviantart.com/art/GALLOWS-341519359