570. What Was All Of It For?

As we grow older, we wonder,

What was all of it for?

Is there some rhyme or reason,

For all that comes before?

Astute men throughout the ages,

Have made many a claim;

Though what’s the use in guessing,

When no one’s lived the same?

Are experiences naught more,

Than sense and memory?

Which float and flutter inside,

‘Til souls, from the world, flee?

Will anything be learned or changed?

Will all we are be lost?

If all that pain was for nothing,

Was it not then, too high a cost?

As we grow older, we wonder,

What was all of it for?

Is there some rhyme of reason,

For all that comes before?

Though ev’rything has it’s season,

Aren’t we left as incomplete lore?

When here on earth there is no road,

That leads through another soul’s door?

K. Aldaya, 1/13/22

Picture: By: Ilya Shishikhin on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/-K7yvsDvj2g

563. Human Experience

I’ve experienced the infinite gloom of the soul,

Devoid of hope.

A bottomless hole.

I’ve experienced the ageless cruelties of man,

These would-be gods,…

Seeking praise since time began.

I’ve experienced the horrors of where no one dares to go.

Where no one understands,

And no one will ever know.

I’ve experienced the suffering of more than one human’s plight.

I’ve split apart so many times,

That nothing ever feels right.

Yet, I’ve experienced love and joy, and inexpressible beauty,

So I wonder if in the end I’ll feel it was worth it…

To have been part of humanity.

K. Aldaya, 9/15/21

Picture: By Joshua Earle on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/wyaMgb1ToUI

478. The Elsewhere

In the stillness of night she leaves,

The world and time behind.

She slips out of her bones,

And deep into her mind;

Where dream and reality meet, and,…

Breath upon breath create,…

Life, in desolation.

Feeling’s merely innate.

A door appears, she touches the knob,

And turns it, but slightly.

With a click, it opens.

She enters and closes it tightly.

Within is shelter, and protection;

Lost,…misplaced from the start.

Yearning becomes misery,

When men forget the heart.

Would you seek and pull her out from there?

Would you tell her she’s wrong?

That she’s better off staying,

And just suffering along?

For who knows what the answer should be,

To loss and sentiment.

If time can’t be rewound,

Should love and safety remain absent?

In the stillness of night she leaves,

To find what can not be.

Life is not fair they say,

And nothing is for free.

So, do not judge as she slips away,

Out of her bones and mind.

Oft’ we must seek elsewhere,

That which we’ve yet to find.

K. Aldaya, 5/25/19

Picture: By Sam Burriss on Unsplash; https://themighty.com/2017/10/how-to-help-dissociative-episode/

377. Yin and Yang

I know you think I’m weak,

And those who “feel” are pitiful.

So I’ve often felt like a freak,

For simply being me.

Yet as I’ve grown older,

I’ve become much more aware,

That those whose hearts are colder,

Are much more pitiful.

A life lived on the path.

‘Tween pure bliss and despair,

May be a smoother path;

Though leads the soul nowhere.

Souls grow in sagacity,

Through the beauty and the pain.

Grow stronger on a rougher sea,

Or steep and winding road.

With ups and downs we learn,

What’s truly of worth.

With every dip and turn,

We learn to persevere.

Depth is seen as weakness,

And shallowness as divine.

Society praises emptiness…

As close to godliness.

Those who disagree: “Insane.”

“Their emotions are showing!”

“A symptom of a faulty brain,

Wandering on dangerous paths.”

I don’t care anymore what’s said,

I’d rather struggle and fight,

Ever braver in what lies ahead,

Then to fear being “too much”.

My soul is not a coward,

And my heart and mind fight on.

I do not fear love or discord,

They are borne in equal measure.

K. Aldaya, 12/19/16

Picture: By Mario Wibisono; https://wall.alphacoders.com/unregistered.php?id=624 https://wall.alphacoders.com/big.php?i=152076

323. I’m Searching for a Memento

I’m searching for a memento:

Something I can save,

So one day when I grow old,

I’ll remember what you gave.

I’m searching for a memory:

A thought or feeling pleasant,

Of when you were part of my life,

To sneak into the present.

I’m searching for a piece of you,

That I can hold on to;

So one day when you are gone,

I’ll still have part of you.

I’m searching for some concrete proof,

That life is truly real;

That knowing you bore some gift,

That time cannot repeal.

I’m searching for a memento,

To hang upon my lifeline;

So some day when I am old,

I can treasure every line…..

Made from smiles of remembrance.

K. Aldaya, 12/6/15

Picture: By Andre Govia on Flickr; https://www.flickr.com/photos/andregovia/9443446927/in/photostream/