504. Speechless

You never called.

You never asked why.

You stayed away,

And there was no goodbye.

You didn’t care,

That the doorway was empty.

You closed the door,

And forgot all about me.

It’s true what they say,

You can’t pay people to care.

They listen emotionless…

Apathetic in your despair.

You open your heart.

Trust in the process,

And it takes only one bad day,

To see it’s all useless.

No, I didn’t die…

Well at least in a way.

I still have a voice,

But there’s nothing left to say.

I have no more words.

I gave them all away,

And none of them found,

A safe place to stay.

You never asked,

What I couldn’t tell.

You didn’t look for me,

And I stumbled and fell…

Silent.

K. Aldaya, 1/6/20

Picture: From: Petaru Dansu; https://www.soompi.com/article/1310835wpp/k-pop-stars-reveal-their-own-struggles-with-mental-illness

500. The Useless

No one cares if you live in darkness,

Because they get to live in the light;

And sometimes I’m bitter, and it hurts my eyes,

To be hidden in misunderstandings and lies.

And sometimes I wish I could find and steal,

A little light to know how they all must feel;

So when it shines in their eyes they will know,

I’ve escaped their ignorance and ego.

For a moment, I hope they get a glimpse of the pain,

Of groping through life with the label “insane”.

Squinting, erratic, and lost.

Tell me society: What is the cost?

Is it so hard to turn on a light?

To invite truth, and do what is right?

Instead, they all go ’bout their day,

And blame the blinded for not finding their way.

For no one cares if you live in darkness,

‘Cause they get to live in the light.

Maybe one day it will all get too bright…

For them to face themselves, and address,

The loss and suffering, so useless…

…so useless….so useless….

K. Aldaya, 12/19/19

Picture: By Javier Garcia on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/J3sivicMj8Y

499. Forsaken

Why do they let the children cry?

They laugh and ignore,

Then say goodbye…

As if they are not there.

Why do they leave the children be?

They do not perceive,

Though they may see;

And harshly turn away.

Why do they let the children cry?

And leave them inside,

To wonder why,

The whole world left them there…

To die.

K. Aldaya, 12/13/19

Picture: Art by Banksy and Photographed by Karim Manjra on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/6iM5GOht664

494. Autumnmous

photo-1477511515466-ffc0a97dca35

In the fields of youth I wandered alone,

Through the veil of night, in search of home;

And though time passes forgetting today,

I’ve still found no place to stay.

Fall comes again, yet never left;

And the ghosts’ whispers leave me bereft.

I am still alive, though dead.

Tell me: Where is the past to rest it’s head?

I walk among the falling leaves.

Every tree cries out and grieves,

For what is gone may ne’er return,

And what is known we can’t unlearn.

In the fields of youth I wander alone,

Through the veil of night, in search of home.

Time left me and will ne’er reappear.

Now I’m a ghost, yet I am still here…

Eternally haunting the present;

And no one notices that I’m absent.

So I wander alone looking for home.

I am a child, though my body is grown.

Time keeps on moving forgetting today.

Yesterday’s gone, and there’s no place to stay.

K. Aldaya, 10/6/19

Picture: By: Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/HwZQGB-ZjG4

492. No Expectations

The-Girl-With-The-Dragon-Tattoo_Noomi-Rapace_rear-hoody-cap-31 (1)

You are not a killer,

But you are not my friend.

If I’m hiding from you.

It’s what I have to do.

Run. Hide. Defend.

You are not a monster,

But you are not an angel.

You may not be hunting me,

Though you’ll not guard or help me;

Fight or dispel.

You are not a stalker,

But you’re also never there.

Don’t say I should feel secure.

I know when hard times occur,

You won’t be there.

You are not a villain,

But you are not a hero.

You won’t be there to help me,

To traverse this world safely.

Red: Stop. People: Go!

You are not that evil,

But you are not that good.

So, I can not trust you;

A human through and through.

‘Would’, ‘Could’, and ‘Should’,

Yet none of them mean ‘Do’.

K. Aldaya, 9/25/19

Picture: Noomi Rapace in “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo“; https://clothesonfilm.com/noomi-rapace-in-the-girl-with-the-dragon-tattoo/