506. My Feelings Are Mine, Not Yours

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You’re mad at me ’cause I don’t talk,

When there are so many reasons why.

One is that nothing I say is right.

People believe what they want, so why try?

You don’t care that I am silent.

You care that you can’t manipulate.

If staying safe’s a slight against you,

It’s precisely why I absquatulate;

‘Cause of course I have my reasons.

However, you don’t care about those.

In fact, you solely care ’bout yourself.

Through the years your selfishness only grows.

Sorry you do not own my soul,

Where words and musings are mine to hide.

So go on assuming and shaming.

You can’t steal away what I feel inside.

My feelings are mine, not yours!

K. Aldaya, 1/12/20

Picture: By: Jessica Favaro at Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/973vRak-llM

504. Speechless

You never called.

You never asked why.

You stayed away,

And there was no goodbye.

You didn’t care,

That the doorway was empty.

You closed the door,

And forgot all about me.

It’s true what they say,

You can’t pay people to care.

They listen emotionless…

Apathetic in your despair.

You open your heart.

Trust in the process,

And it takes only one bad day,

To see it’s all useless.

No, I didn’t die…

Well at least in a way.

I still have a voice,

But there’s nothing left to say.

I have no more words.

I gave them all away,

And none of them found,

A safe place to stay.

You never asked,

What I couldn’t tell.

You didn’t look for me,

And I stumbled and fell…

Silent.

K. Aldaya, 1/6/20

Picture: From: Petaru Dansu; https://www.soompi.com/article/1310835wpp/k-pop-stars-reveal-their-own-struggles-with-mental-illness

495. Burnt Bridge

It’s said you should say nothing,

If there’s nothing nice to say.

Yet I would rather hear the truth,

Than watch you walk away.

If only you would say something,

And let sparks hit the air.

The fire may burn far too bright,

Though at least I’d feel you care…

To try… to fight… to live on…,

For our relationship to survive,

The winters of our lifetimes;

To feel, and hope, and strive.

I may not be what you wish I was,

And it’s easy to feel let down,

When we forget it’s not just about us;

Faced with each confronting smile and frown.

I wonder if someday you’ll stop,

And think of way back when…

Back to when we were still good friends.

Will you wonder what could have been?

It’s said you should say nothing,

If there’s nothing nice to say.

Yet I would rather have heard the truth,

Than to have watched you calmly walk away.

K. Aldaya, 10/7/19

Picture: By Nico E. on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/AAbjUJsgjvE

481. Speak Not It’s Name

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“Shhh, you are speaking too loud!”

They say to me: “Hide in the crowd”.

“Oh, for shame, for shame, for shame.

You should not speak or say it’s name.”

They’ll tell you the criminal’s to blame,

Though talking about it is always your shame.

Hide the pain…move on…let go.

The hurt smile better than they’ll ever know.

Talk, but do not talk too much.

Lie to yourself and others, as such…

‘Cause of shame…

…for shame….

……What shame!

The jungles are savage,

Yet they want you tame!

Shhh…Shhh…

……Speak not it’s name.

K. Aldaya, 7/22/19

Picture: By: Kristina Flour on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/BcjdbyKWquw

346. Silent Existence

Silent. In the silence.

The lack of voice is violent.

Hearts pray, internally,

While hands commit their violence.

Manic. In the madness.

Feet flutter in the panic.

Faces rise, to shade their eyes,

For the sun reveals their sadness.

Reverent. In the reverence.

Souls worship Earth resplendent.

Life lives, yet never gives,

Validity of descendance.

Silent. In the silence.

Even in stillness it is violent.

Mind’s mind, though never find,

Their way to condone the violence.

Existence stands silent.

K. Aldaya, 4/8/16

Picture: From Wallpaper Vortex; http://www.imgbase.info/images/safe-wallpapers/digital_art/sci_fi/39898_sci_fi_sci_fi_city.jpg