229. I Am Shame

What to do?

Tell me how to,

Lose all this fretful shame?

Suppressed and masked,

Through time in same.

In death my life has passed.

Try to bury,

In cemetery.

It haunts me in the gloom;

Whispering of sweet-death,

And trading life for doom,

With each gasping breath.

Try to free.

To let it be.

To get it out of me.

Truth is truth, even when,

It’s hard to have to see.

Please….don’t look at me then!

What to do?

Tell me how to,

Repel the guilt eyes’ impart?

More shame for shame;

For in letting guilt depart,

I burn in your lit-flame.

What to do?

I have no clue.

I am shame and am ashamed.

I exist whether liked or not;

Am made more when I am blamed.

For inside his body is fraught,

And is screaming from the relentless onslaught.

K. Aldaya, 05/23/12

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://www.mensxp.com/images/article/health/Mental_Health/Depression724311.jpg

228. The Alien’s a Freak

My pain I cannot express,

Nor does it matter to try.

No one will ever see what I see,

Nor through my heart cry.

By expressions I am outcast.

By skin I am judged.

My soul, an alien, a freak,

To which I am misjudged.

Different is always punished;

No matter how it came to be.

If changed by others or made so,

Aliens deserve to die or flee.

Flee and hide away inside,

And change the form to seem,

Just as every other human being.

To live,… to survive this hellish dream.

But tell me is it really living if one must hide from everything?

K. Aldaya, 01/16/12

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/36285/

227. Dancing Bones

Quickly. Run as fast as you can!

Faster. Faster.

Do anything you can,

To breathe, yes, one more day;

And avoid the fast-looming disaster.

Move. Move your hands and move your mind.

Do now. Right now.

Focus on what you find.

Think not of lacking air.

Keep smiling,…walking, talking anyhow.

Busy. Keep busy and avoid,

Feeling. Sensing,

Lungs to which you’re devoid.

Pretend you can breathe yet.

No one will know if you don’t stop to sing.

Keep on moving. Run faster still.

Hide-out. Hide-in.

Hide away so no one will…..

Notice you’re not breathing;

For you’re nothing,

But dancing bones living in skin.

K. Aldaya, 01/06/12

Picture: “Tools for Survival by xxtechnoxluvxx on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Tools-for-Survival-129480051

226. The Basement is My Home

The basement is my home.

It haunts me when I’m away,

And chills me to the bone.

The basement is where ‘she’ lives,

And where the ‘demon’ lives.

I’ve heard dog bark at his voice;

Though near the door will never roam.

The basement is my home.

I close doors to hideaway,

But the voices won’t leave me alone.

The basement is where ‘her’ voice,

And where the voice of horror echoes;

Whispering: “I’m still here…..hear?….

Come down to my vast catacomb!

The basement is my home,

And home to silent screams.

A dark penetrating moan,

And horrid silence….a silent drone.

Frozen with fear: dead-inside,

I forever roam…..

A world of endless doors,

All leading to my basement home.

One day I’ll have to return home,

Chained for all time,

Afraid and alone.

K. Aldaya, 01/03/12

Picture: “Creepy Basement” by DevilishInk on Deviant Art; http://devilishink.deviantart.com/art/Creepy-Basement-267035411

225. Doll Face

Doll face.

Pretty doll.

Cute face.

Crawl….crawl.

Dirty face.

Bawl…and bawl.

Smudged face,

At night’s fall.

Shadow face.

Cringe and bawl.

Wet face,

‘scape the maul!!!

Cracked face.

Lost eyeball.

Doll face.

Broken doll.

Ugly face.

Appall! Appall!

Bloody face.

Masks may wall,

From disgrace.

Clown-face?

Can you recall?

The former beauty of your souls’ broke-face?

K. Aldaya, 12/27/11

Disclaimer: All writings are based on personal experience. Any works used in promotion of abuse of any kind are done without the express permission of the author.

Picture: “Broken Doll” by iKanji on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Broken-Doll-351889647