256. The Silence of the Birds

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Here I am so lonely.

No one really cares.

I’m just out here surviving.

Why is it no one dares?

To talk to me, or know,

Who I am or long to be?

Or simply say hello,

When they walk on by me?

I’m tired of surviving,

Of doing the right things.

Of saying hello and smiling;

For me, no one does these things.

And yet, they are so simple;

I do them every day.

Though I doubt yet one would call to me,

If I were to walk away.

If I turned and walked,

Up the stairs some more.

And to the top emerged.

And loudly closed the door.

And walked slowly each step…

Tip-tap with the clock.

And softly closed my eyes.

Pondering the tick and tock.

And as the wind,

From the North,

A cold and icy thing,…

Blew, I would step forth,

—-No more to sing.

K. Aldaya, 1/19/14

Picture:  “Girl on the Edge” by Tom Ryaboi: http://www.tomryaboi.com/; http://camyx.com/exposure/2013/11/tom-ryaboi-atop-skyscrapers/

192. Nothing

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I am nothing, and nothing will I be.

The world cannot create a joy,

Where none was meant to be.

Though to myself I may want life,

Life may not want me;

To e’er be fully-happy.

Though this itself is but a lie,

As fleeting as our lives,

For who can ever hope to die,

Having seen through heavens’ eyes?

O’ God why give life so devoid,

To beings who know its’ loss?

Where happiness: merely a dream,

Can’t be held-firm, time-across?

What then makes us keep going?

When nothing’s all there is?

When nothing’s what you get?

When nothing’s gained in end?

Just nothing…..nothing.

K. Aldaya, 2/20/06

Picture: “Twist in the Dark” by Nicola Bertellotti; http://derelictmetropolis.tumblr.com/post/33052711013/twist-in-the-dark-by-nicola-bertellotti

189. Love, Loves Misery

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How can you tear me down and then say,

“I love you, my darling”, as night turns to day.

Progressively painful vulgarities thrown,

From out your cavalierly-placed throne.

Love should not cause a heart pain as this,

Torturing ’til tears burn and dismiss,

The knowledge of love incinerated;

Then ask me to love where no love’s been created.

The tragedy’s that I care, though you kill;

Demolishing constructions at will.

Burning houses just built to stand,

Against the assault of your next reprimand.

K. Aldaya, 12/25/05

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://data.whicdn.com/images/22478399/28f273b9e0ffd544410d90c0f6ec8072_large.jpg

159. The Lonely Mind

Would it not be grand to have all understand,

This life I have known, and the mind that doth stand,

Alone in bare-atone?

Wouldn’t it be great to be not one lost fate,

But a cared ’bout concept, not to be learned too late.

For still-conscious mans accept?

And being thou then seen, not for pity but for being,

For toiling in isolations, in whate’er sense it mean;

And conceive the implications,

Of what one may so glean.

K. Aldaya, 8/25/05