261. Use Me

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I will not cry because it will get me nowhere.

Yep, what a waste of time to care;

To care for myself or my feelings.

After all, no one could less care.

It’s best to pretend that everything is okay.

Keep smiling and acting that way.

No one wants to be ’round a downer,

And I don’t matter anyway.

“Just do what you’re told and make everyone happy”.

I’m sure you will nod and agree.

I’m not capable of ‘happy’, right?

It’s too late, far too late, for me.

I will not cry because it will get me nowhere.

Yep, what a waste of time to care;

Care for myself or my sorry life.

That’s right, use my life. I don’t care.

……..Wasn’t using it anyway.

K. Aldaya, 2/28/14

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://lovepicturex.blogspot.com/2012/12/alone-girl-sad-crying-broken-heart-love-cute-beauty.html

248. There’s a Monster in My Closet

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There’s a monster in my closet,

I’ve never seen it there,

But deep inside,….I feel it….,

Feel it on the skin: naked; bare.

There’s a monster in my closet.

It murmurs without spare,

Of long ago,…of far away…,

Of a place no longer there.

There’s a monster in my closet,

Breathing.  Breathing.  Breathing,…

Oh, and panting for it’s fare.

“It’s not there….Yes, it’s not there!”

There’s a monster in my closet.

“Open the door”, you say?

I’ll do so, with strength,

I’ll do so right away.

Maybe I’ll see it…..Yes! See it there today!

There’s a monster in my closet,

I’ve never seen it there;

But today I’m going to face it,

And be done with this despair.

There’s a monster in my closet,

Of this I am aware;

And so I delve into it’s lair,

To see it’s face, to let it free,

To find another care.

There’s a monster in my closet.

The closet door creaks open……slowly…open,

Where is it?

Desperately I search.  Pull and tear…until,

There’s nothing left but remnants,

Of what once was there.

There’s a monster in my closet,

I’ve never seen it there,

But deep inside I feel it….

I feel it everywhere!

K. Aldaya, Date: ???

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; Originally on Aperture Journal.com; http://imgarcade.com/1/old-creepy-doors/

228. The Alien’s a Freak

My pain I cannot express,

Nor does it matter to try.

No one will ever see what I see,

Nor through my heart cry.

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By expressions I am outcast.

By skin I am judged.

My soul, an alien, a freak,

To which I am misjudged.

Different is always punished;

No matter how it came to be.

If changed by others or made so,

Aliens deserve to die or flee.

Flee and hide away inside,

And change the form to seem,

Just as every other human being.

To live,… to survive this hellish dream.

But tell me is it really living if one must hide from everything?

K. Aldaya, 01/16/12

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/36285/

217. Betrayal

Today I saw across the way,

A little girl all dressed in gray.

She made no sound but seemed to say,

“What am I to do with day?”

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I laughed and laughed, and in the fray,

The sun had set…..now time to pay!

The girl sang out….”Betray”…..”Betray”…,

I screamed, “Go away!”. “Please go away!!”

I closed my eyes, turned in dismay,

And heard a heavy whisper say,

“Did you forget I’d gone astray?”

Crimson tears fell in disarray.

“Sorry”, I cried, as I faded away.

Today as I walked across the way,

My reflection in a glass doorway,

Lay bare vestments of scarlet gray.

K. Aldaya, 06/16/11

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://24.media.tumblr.com/b1607074d0339d7dc2970c7ceee28d73/tumblr_mhhfreGmFr1ryfc77o1_500.jpg

56. The Freak Inside

In my mind I’m not fit to be anything that you might see.

I’ll never belong with my own and will be forever ‘lone.

sad girl sitting alone on floor

I know when people look at me they see the freak that I be.

I try to hide what I am, but I always fail their exam.

I can feel their hate and disgust, for me, whom they distrust.

K. Aldaya, 4/15/04

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://a.wattpad.net/cover/3283593-256-k508337.jpg