247. Soar Higher

Into the world my child, she flies…,

Away and soars; but I am scared.

Will she be safe and always wise?

Did I teach her everything,

She needs to touch the skies?

And can I trust the world which I’ve never trusted?

To care for and protect one of my dearest treasures?

World of people through whose acts I am disgusted.

Who poisoned my heart until it broke and rusted.

Yet even I cannot protect,

Her, or him, or I from this life.

Control: an illusion’s inject,

So life we do not from the start reject.

If we thought about how each moment is taken,….

Stolen right in front of our eyes: so we close them;

We’d go crazy or mad, and sickness awaken.

So we say: “Reasons are not godforsaken!”.

Whether there’s meaning to it all,

I know not and I dare not say.

I only know what’s to fear therewithal.

I pray she’ll be able to fly when in fall!

—-praying: “Don’t be like me…., Please don’t end up like me at all!”

K. Aldaya, 8/6/13

Picture: “Tiny Dancer” by insanelaurenjane at Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Tiny-Dancer-352280439

246. Happy Birthday Again

It’s my birthday again.

Another year older.

Another year closer….to death.

And what has been…..

Is still my life and still my fate.

Forever my story.

Forever passed by so fast…..

It feels so late!

Is it wrong I feel only death awaits?

My prime passed in sorrow?

My prime spent in a fog of survival?

Lost child of fate!

It’s my birthday again.

So I’ll smile, even though I’m sad…

So I’ll smile, even though I’m mad….

At time.

Happy Birthday again.

K. Aldaya, 7/13

Picture: by Polly Thomas Photography; http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3444/3992497669_247ca20588.jpg

245. Why Do I Want to Live?

Why do I want to live when life has no point?

Why do I want to live when all I do is disappoint?

Why do I want to live when death is the only goal?

Why do I want to live when I’m not even sure I have a soul?

Why do I want to live?

I will tell you why.

Because I exist and it’s all that I know.

Because I don’t want to lie…..

Silenced forever in a grave when I die.

Why do I want to live when I’ll die anyway someday?

Because I’m afraid and hope to be stronger one day;

So when death greets me I’ll smile and say,

“I’m ready to be on my way!”

K. Aldaya, 7/25/13

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/464660/

244. Black & White

Black and white.

Cold and fright.

In the dark….it’s cold.

On the face………….it’s white!

Black and white.

Cold and fright.

In the night,….the dark and light,

Give-in to the fears in flight,

From the memories: ………..black and white.

K. Aldaya, 7/24/13

Picture: Kim JaeJoong; Photographer Unknown; http://media.tumblr.com/155765ee66440f1dc78a2fd4ebdd547b/tumblr_inline_mg07nbSWHu1qeptf3.jpg

Kim Jae Joong

243. Live for the Moment

Late I lie when all are sleeping.

In my bed tossing and stressing.

I try to think not ‘gain of weeping,

But my mind won’t listen.

I cannot run from the reelings,

Of life movies inwardly playing.

Cannot stop or destroy the feelings,

Which torture yet again.

The pain of living with the truth,

Bleeds me dry, until I lie,

Closed-off and aloof;

I am the walking dead.

I long to get it out of me.

The shame and pain and memories.

There is no way, don’t you agree?

To save my soul anyway?

I could bleed it out my veins.

I could bandage and heal it,

But the truth is as long as I have veins,

The pain will be there too.

Only a moment would I find relief,

By taking care of outwardly-pain;

Then later, heal, and feel only grief,

That the mark is gone.

As I still feel the pain…didn’t heal at all!

No matter how much I bleed it’s there,

So what can I do? I have to live or fall.

A moment longer. A moment.

I must live for the moment or die.

Let it all out and cry.

K. Aldaya, 07/23/13

Picture: “Rainy Night” by GMK9VII on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Rainy-Night-506473363