74. Castaway

Dear ‘God’, please remember me when I reach heaven’s ingress.

Hold me close as can be, for I have such loneliness.

Dear ‘God’, why do they all leave?

Why always left here alone?

Daily soul to grieve and grieve,

‘Til my heart is dead as stone.

Dear ‘God’, I’ll pretend you’re here.

Standing next to me smiling.

Glancing at me so dear,

This dream keeps me trying.

Dear ‘God’, would you stay always,

With this ‘lone forsaken soul?

Upon which none do gaze,

Left by the world unwhole.

Dear ‘God’, maybe you care for me?

People pass me on their way,

But don’t care to know me,

A lonely castaway.

K. Aldaya, 9/16/04

Picture: by dear_wes on Weheartit.com; http://weheartit.com/entry/65224866/via/dear_wes

60. Confliction

Did it really happen?

I knew at the time it did,

But now I only question.

From my eyes all truth is hid.

My head is so confused.

Are they right about this too?

Did I over-react then or did I make up what I knew?

Their words clutter thoughts,

Making me rethink everything.

Did it happen at all or was it as they so sing?

Was it a daydream that I confused with real?

They’re right…my fault!

I deserve what I got, and feel.

Now I must forget that anything happened at all.

I must not ever show,

Hurt from hitting that brick wall.

K. Aldaya, 5/20/04

Picture: from Missing You: Actress Kim So-Hyun as 15 year old Lee Soo-yeon; https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-1S3D-ADJXzo/ULnXNr5qCqI/AAAAAAAAABU/Mw3T3ZFlPxw/I-Miss-You-Korean-Drama.jpg

58. Black Bird

It comes to me in dead of night when dark dreams flood the mind.

A vision of black in mine eye which sends a shiver through the bones;

A vision to horrify.

It dwells on hill cemetery.

Perched on an old oak tree,

Barely to move; never to fly,

Though screams in stinging undertones a loathsome lullaby.

Staring, though more so, glaring…

Haunting. Watching. Stunning the nerves.

No wish it has to fly,

Do anything more than gaze;

A gaze to damnify.

I know that it doth hate me with a passion few have known;

That’s why it resides on high piercing me with it’s cold stare.

In darkness I lie.

Oh cruel, black bird of night release your ghastly hold.

Oh why? Oh why?

Can’t thou fear anothers’ soul?

Forever night is nigh.

K. Aldaya, 4/25/04

Picture: “Her Graveyard” by Gothicolors Donna Snyder; http://fineartamerica.com/featured/her-graveyard-gothicolors-images.html

54. The Cliff

I stand at the edge,

Trying to stand firm.

Stand at this ledge,

To live out this term.

I feel my feet,

Half off this cliff.

The darkness I’ll meet,

If I loosen this stiff.

Sky black as coal.

Hear all the shadows,

Behind me in whole,

Sending cold-blows.

They poke and prod me,

At all the hours.

They won’t let me be,

With their mean powers.

They’ve forced me over,

With hands I hang.

The shadows, they were, laughing; the whole gang.

Taunting at my struggle,

With sweat on brow.

Between hands I juggle,

To keep hold…, but how?

Their cold, cruel ways,

Pushed me o’er.

On my heart it weighs,

Their ruthlessness galore.

Why can’t they see that I’m slipping?

They care not of me,

And that I’ve no gripping.

I’ve got to be tough,

Never let them know.

That I’ve not enough,

To resist their flow.

K. Aldaya, 3/20/04

Picture: from Dark Shadows; http://www.awn.com/vfxworld/mpc-takes-bite-out-dark-shadows

52. Lost to the Night

Amid darkness the large oak trees,

Reach out to me in the breeze.

The darkness hovers over my head.

The black clouds continually stomp and tread.

No stars can be seen, nor moon.

I only hope that day come soon.

Lost in black I feel them near,

And hear their screaming in my ear.

The voices that linger in great sadness,

And eternally dwell in darks’ abyss.

I can feel their full heart pain,

And the madness in their brain.

My head is pounding and pounding,

With all the pain resounding.

The dark swallows my last daylight,

And I am lost into the night.

K. Aldaya, 3/23/04

Picture: Abyss by Ishutani on Deviant Art: http://ishutani.deviantart.com; http://th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2013/089/8/6/abyss_by_ishutani-d5ztss6.jpg