183. Note to Self: That’s What You Get

Why can’t I forget those days?

Those lingering memories: a phase,

Of life so long since passed.

Though hours and years have flown away,

The visions burn and steadily prey,

Upon my undead soul.

None bring up, but sights remind,

That the past is well behind,

Yet still so felt and real.

Hate is there for its’ own sake;

Hating the hate that lies awake,

To chaos hope with guilt.

Hate and love both held within,

Wailing loud of selfish sin.

Who cares how things had been!

This life is hard for everyone.

Isn’t mine just another one?

Lacking a strong spirit?

Weakness and self-pity there,

Deep in my mind, create despair.

Unwarranted. Unjust.

I’m the real freak and con,

The one who cannot move on.

Who keeps evil alive.

I deserve what I feel here,

Every pain and every tear;

Figments of a horrid head.

I cannot forget those days.

Dreams and memories a haze,

Of pre-tarnished truth.

Nothing will e’er change what be,

Within a heart that cannot see,

That it should settle for,

Deserving pain forever.

K. Aldaya, 11/4/05

Picture: “Can You See The Ghost? IV” by AlexandraSophie on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Can-you-see-the-ghost-IV-165270619

169. Question

Question: “Why me?”

I know you’ll say, “Why not?”,

But honestly, “Why me?”

Why an overcrowded lot?

When over there’s an empty one,

Why consistently my lot?

Don’t answer again, “Why not?”

Statistically improbable,

Is the chance to pick one place,

‘Til it is over-full,

And completely out of space.

When right there’s an empty one,

Almost yearning for used-space.

Why mount me up with such disgrace?

Question: “Why me?”

I know… I deserve it.

But why pleading daily,

For mercy’s earned-pit,

To swallow built-up griefs,

So high no more can fit?

Then again I’m unfit…,

To judge “Why me’s” the universe does permit.

K. Aldaya, 9/25/05

Picture: “But Why??” by SpellboundMisfits on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/But-Why-105393250

168. Complaints Are For Those With Nothing to Complain About

Don’t complain to me ’bout your life.

You have friends and family true.

Don’t tell me you are in such strife,

When so many care for you.

I have no one but myself.

My family and friends a-few.

Each only seem to think of their self.

A life so completely not like you!

I have no one. None at all,

To give strength to grasp the wall,

So I won’t perish in this fall….

Down a hole you wouldn’t fit through.

K. Aldaya, 9/23/05

Picture: “Falling Down The Rabbit Hole” by Bradi Wells on flickr; https://www.flickr.com/photos/bradi/2797166439/