90. Mirror Reflection

I look at the reflection,

A soul to soul projection.

Shadow of a place,

That hides beneath the face.

I stare in deep ferocity,

With heightened luminosity,

Into the eyes that see,

A door with lock and key.

Open with kind docility,

An unsure bearability,

Of what lies beyon’,

In visions long forgone.

A nightmares’ contribution,

Carries swift persecution,

To the soul that knows,

What this doth expose.

This reflections’ exploratory.

Unexplored interrogatory.

Never. Never. Never.

Will I continue this endeavor!

I know well the destitution,

Of past prostitution.

Trapped in mirror’s reflection,

A lost shadows’ inflection,

Only known by my detection.

K. Aldaya, 10/24/04

Picture: “Mirror Reflection by KimRaceQueen on Deviant Art; http://kimracequeen.deviantart.com/art/Mirror-Reflection-208504447

82. Unspeakable

I can’t even speak what I’m feeling,

And if I did I’d hurt others.

It’s best if I don’t say a thing,

To save the life of all others.

I cannot leave, but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

I’d have to be selfish to speak out,

Since I’m the deserver of pain.

What can I do to spare all,

From seeing in what bed I’ve lain?

I cannot leave, but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

I need to somehow make two,

A me to stay and a me to go,

One to keep all others happy,

The other to seek the suns’ glow.

I cannot leave but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

I must keep fighting and hiding,

For the sake of all others near.

It’s what I always must bear,

I must silence now all of the fear.

(Cover, wipe, hide every tear!)

I cannot leave but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

K. Aldaya, 10/7/04

Picture: “Gallows” by HORNEDQUAD on Deviant Art; http://hornedquad.deviantart.com/art/GALLOWS-341519359

51. Hate

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much!

You have horrible right in your clutch.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you now more,

Than any of the other times before.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you, you freak!

You are too frightened and too weak.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you ’cause you,

Are never good in anything you do.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you for when,

You sinned so greatly back then.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you because,

You don’t think as everyone else does.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Just Leave.

Go ahead, hide, and grieve.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you for thoughts,

In which you can change past plots.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you for never,

Will you find atonement for what you’ve done whatsoever.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Keep crying,

For no one will care for the soul dying.

K. Aldaya, 3/22/04

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://fstoppers.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Broken-Reflection-web.jpg

42. Little Girl

Hello little girl I once was,

Are you doing what a little girl does?

You aren’t like all those others,

You are a girl that hides under-covers.

Other little girls don’t do that,

Sneaking and tip-toeing ’round like a cat.

When the night-moon’s up on high,

You don’t sleep but lie and cry.

Little girls aren’t this bad,

They don’t keep their parents mad.

Little girl why is it, that you so often get a hit?

Why are you so often loud?

You know talking’s not allowed.

You can now hide in here,

In the closet hide from fear.

Little girl come out! Come out!

Can’t you hear your daddy shout.

You must leave your cave now,

And greet the thrash of bad’s endow.

Little girl I hate you so,

Why can’t you disappear and go?

You shouldn’t even breathe their air,

You don’t deserve one single hair.

Why are you so disgusting?

You’re such an awfully messed-up thing.

Little girl go hide again.

Stay there ’til I tell you when.

Close your secrets in with you,

Shut them ever in there too.

Little girl your secrets, they,

Must stay forever locked away.

Little girl you need not show,

How you’re badder than they know.

You, yourself, brought this on,

So you deserve what’s foregone.

Hello little girl I know well,

Keep your soul locked. Never tell!

K. Aldaya, 3/08/04

Picture 1: Photographer Unknown; http://erebusteam.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=1240&d=1368782526

Picture 2: Photographer Unknown; http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/sites/default/files/child.jpg