82. Unspeakable

gallows_by_hornedquad-d5nby0v

I can’t even speak what I’m feeling,

And if I did I’d hurt others.

It’s best if I don’t say a thing,

To save the  life of all others.

I cannot leave, but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

I’d have to be selfish to speak out,

Since I’m the deserver of pain.

What can I do to spare all,

From seeing in what bed I’ve lain?

I cannot leave, but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

I need to somehow make two,

A me to stay and a me to go,

One to keep all others happy,

The other to seek the suns’ glow.

I cannot leave but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

I must keep fighting and hiding,

For the sake of all others near.

It’s what I always must bear,

I must silence now all of the fear.

(Cover, wipe, hide every tear!)

I cannot leave but I hurt to stay,

I just have to find me another way,

Not for tomorrow, but for this very day.

Today. Today.

K. Aldaya, 10/7/04

Picture:  “Gallows” by HORNEDQUAD on Deviant Art; http://hornedquad.deviantart.com/art/GALLOWS-341519359

80. Story of a Girl

girl-sad-window-Favim.com-212680

I’ve often heard about a girl,

From a distant land.

In meager old town she lived,

In house aged and grand;

Which year by year did stand.

The girl from the highest window,

From the place she dwelt,

Day by day sat staring;

Beside the window knelt,

To see the world she felt.

From the window two floors up,

As dawn drew near,

She saw the town yawn and rise,

To greet the days’ premiere.

Ah, the days she did revere.

As the sun scaled the sky,

More peoples appeared.

Following their bearings,

However brilliant or weird;

Hour by hour they steered.

Laughter of various children,

Loudly could be heard,

Playing in a joyful fancy,

With which there is no word;

“Just happy truth”, sings bird.

All pass her house hurriedly,

None to see her form,

Quickly living out their days,

Through sun, wind, and storm,

To societies’ conform.

No notice made of a void,

An emptiness to fill,

With pair of reclusive eyes,

High on a window sill.

A soul, silent and still.

A girl watching intensely,

When the dusk befalls,

Doors closing for the night,

As the moons’-light calls

The silence enthralls.

Dark descends.  Stars glow.

Girl ponders the day.

Many people made it through,

Another spectacular day,

With not one glance her way.

Yet, every morn, at first light,

She wakes before all,

To see the sun shine again,

Upon this town so small.

Abandoned.  Not part of it.

Only sights to recall,

Of a life which she’s unfit,

Left in solemn withdrawal.

K. Aldaya, 9/29/04

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://s1.favim.com/orig/22/girl-sad-window-Favim.com-212680.jpg

49. The Monster

terror-eye_1024x768_76579
It is behind me,

I must keep running,

This thing is ever so cunning.

It chases afar,

I can’t stop to rest,

Hunting me, it’s at its’ best.

It never will stop, nor let me forget,

That I deserve it’s constant threat.

At times so near, that I can hear it,

Breathing and yearning for just one hit.

To take me down to its’ stormy lair,

A pit of utterly loathsome despair.

I must keep moving,

No stopping to hide,

It can sense where I reside.

My fear, it draws it, ever closer; closer.

Always there it will not deter.

Keep on running,

No! Don’t turn around!

Keep going ’til you lose its’ sound.

The sound that echoes,

That pains and taunts,

The minds of those it eternally haunts.

The darkness around,

It hinders my flight,

But doesn’t obstruct my pursuers’ sight.

I’m lost in darkness,

Confused and afraid….Run!..,

Through a world without any sun.

In the darkness it swiftly flies,

Glaring at me with its’ flaming eyes.

I often can hear the pounding in my ears,

Its’ heart beating, throbbing me to tears.

I must keep running!

Forever move faster!

To avoid a potential horrific disaster.

I must stay strong,

Keep moving ahead,

So I don’t end up worse than dead.

K. Aldaya, 3/21/04

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://imgs.mi9.com/uploads/scary/4348/terror-eye_1024x768_76579.jpg

42. Little Girl

child hiding from dad

Hello little girl I once was,

Are you doing what a little girl does?

You aren’t like all those others,

You are a girl that hides under-covers.

Other little girls don’t do that,

Sneaking and tip-toeing ’round like a cat.

When the night-moon’s up on high,

You don’t sleep but lie and cry.

Little girls aren’t this bad,

They don’t keep their parents mad.

Little girl why is it, that you so often get a hit?

Why are you so often loud?

You know talking’s not allowed.

You can now hide in here,

In the closet hide from fear.

Little girl come out! Come out!

Can’t you hear your daddy shout.

You must leave your cave now,

And greet the thrash of bad’s endow.

Little girl I hate you so,

Why can’t you disappear and go?

You shouldn’t even breathe their air,

You don’t deserve one single hair.

Why are you so disgusting?

You’re such an awfully messed-up thing.

Little girl go hide again.

Stay there ’til I tell you when.

Close your secrets in with you,

Shut them ever in there too.

Little girl your secrets, they,

Must stay forever locked away.

Little girl you need not show,

How you’re badder than they know.

You, yourself, brought this on,

So you deserve what’s foregone.

Hello little girl I know well,

Keep your soul locked. Never tell!

secrets keep

K. Aldaya, 3/08/04

Picture 1:  Photographer Unknown; http://erebusteam.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=1240&d=1368782526

Picture 2:  Photographer Unknown; http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/sites/default/files/child.jpg