It’s okay not to be happy.
It’s okay, my child.
Tomorrow the sun will rise again,
And hearts will again run wild;
Beating up and down the streets.
Flowing through the hours,
O’er-rushing with dreams of cakes and sweets,
And fields of endless flowers.
So it’s okay to cry and be sad.
It’s okay, my child.
Tomorrow the sun will rise again,
And yes, you will have smiled!
K. Aldaya, 9/4/13
Picture: Artist Unknown; http://extremelongevity.net/wp-content/uploads/Sunny-day1.jpg
Late I lie when all are sleeping.
In my bed tossing and stressing.
I try to think not ‘gain of weeping,
But my mind won’t listen.
I cannot run from the reelings,
Of life movies inwardly playing.
Cannot stop or destroy the feelings,
Which torture yet again.
The pain of living with the truth,
Bleeds me dry, until I lie,
Closed-off and aloof;
I am the walking dead.
I long to get it out of me.
The shame and pain and memories.
There is no way, don’t you agree?
To save my soul anyway?
I could bleed it out my veins.
I could bandage and heal it,
But the truth is as long as I have veins,
The pain will be there too.
Only a moment would I find relief,
By taking care of outwardly-pain;
Then later, heal, and feel only grief,
That the mark is gone.
As I still feel the pain…didn’t heal at all!
No matter how much I bleed it’s there,
So what can I do? I have to live or fall.
A moment longer. A moment.
I must live for the moment or die.
Let it all out and cry.
K. Aldaya, 07/23/13
Picture: “Rainy Night” by GMK9VII on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Rainy-Night-506473363
The stars on this eve,
Endless and vast, radiate;
With acceptance and light,
For whatever’s my fate.
Be it low. Be it great.
My yearning for reason,
Endlessly brings me out,
Into the darkness of night,
Seeing stars and worlds we doubt;
Though they’re always about.
Glistening in each eye,
As stars in this black-sky,
Are the flows of why….oh why?
Must I cry and die,
Alone beneath the sky?
No connections made,
Or constellations love-laid.
No compassion. Encourage.
And further lights fade;
For sore punishments paid.
Stars befriend sight,
With steady understanding.
For they know why I’m here,
Pleasant and ne’er demanding.
Never screaming nor commanding.
Stars do remind me,
Of what I truly am.
A lowly hint of glow,
Out of line with times’ program.
I sunk….then I swam.
For stars on this eve,
Endless and vast radiate,
With acceptance and light,
For what’s surely my fate,
Ever low. Never great.
K. Aldaya, 9/22/05
Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://amazingpics.net/content/Lovely%20Forests/forests%20138.jpg
How is it that you can’t see that I’m not happy here?
Contorted masking deceptions bring flowing empty tear,
From misconceived perceptions.
How is it that you can’t tell that I’m so lonely here?
I try to fit and make things work but all I know is fear,
Of what in all mens’ minds lurk.
How is it that you can’t see that I’m so often tired?
Seasick from searching ocean depths to find answers required,
To accept the flooding concepts.
How is it that you can’t tell that I’m not just like you?
Somehow we think nothing alike.
You fit with all you do,
And I’m the outcast you dislike.
How is it that you can’t see that my own world is real?
Land that believes in the spirit,
Seas made of what you feel,
And whispered voices speak it.
How is it that you can’t tell that my life’s all my own.
Seeing things you will never see.
No words on the tombstone which is etched in gold and clear to me.
K. Aldaya, 5/14/05
Picture: Artist Unknown; http://www.wallpaperup.com/uploads/wallpapers/2013/02/04/34222/a998a12ca5e88cb5960adb820990ffbd.jpg
I’m so tired.
Tired of being sad.
Tired of being mad.
Tired of crying.
Tired of trying.
Tired of thinking, feeling, and understanding.
I wish I were happy, joyful, and lively, but tired is all I am.
I’m just so tired.
Please…please…someone make this end!
I can’t take this anymore,…this life.
I feel empty and tired.
Just so very, very tired.
K. Aldaya, 9/21/02
Picture/GIF: from The Ring; https://38.media.tumblr.com/82b3053a9acf7f17ece7e68b9cf1dab3/tumblr_n08tallXtO1ra9vqfo1_500.gif
My Soul is a Lock Without a Key 
