48. Am I Singing the Right Song?

I_don__t_belong_here____by_Cosmiksquirel

‘God’? Where do I belong?

Am I singing the right song?

I don’t feel that I’ll fit,

In any group that I commit.

I don’t have friends in kins,

And I am of many sins.

Many groups can be very critical,

In my faults they’d have a mouthful.

I understand them all a bit,

But where oh ‘God’ do I fit?

I love and try to do good,

But I think not as most would.

‘God’? Where do I belong?

Am I singing the right song?

K. Aldaya, 3/21/04

Picture:  I Don’t Belong Here by Cosmiksquirel on Deviant Art; http://cosmiksquirel.deviantart.com/art/I-don-t-belong-here-51229927

47. I Do Seek

“Who was I”, you may ask,

What was hiding ‘yond the mask.

I want all to be able to see,

Me for me, when I no longer be.

That I am, and I once was,

Discover the soul for what it was.

I don’t want people to think I,

Always thought only of when I’ll die.

I tried my hardest to always see good,

Through life’s disappointments I stood.

I always tried to do the best,

Whilest my heart and mind were stressed.

I wanted to make others joyful,

Not drain their heart but keep it full.

I never wanted to ever cause,

Someone to break the happiness laws.

People may say I saw only bad,

But through all creation I saw much glad.

Don’t think I never, ever noticed,

All that’s found through natures’ mist.

The beauty of the clouds and stars;

Of all the planets, Earth through Mars.

The sight of which brought kind tears,

The vastness that goes out light-years.

hs-2007-19-j-web

The splendor of the fields and seas,

The seasons, even winter freeze.

I see it all, I am not blind,

The many times people are kind.

The many blessings handed me,

As being born where I am free.

I have lots to love I see,

Except myself, I just hate me.

This is what people should know,

I am my own great foe.

Everything can be so great,

But for myself it is too late.

I am often afraid and weak,

But never say I didn’t seek.

K. Aldaya, 3/20/04

Picture: Hubble/Galex/Spitzer Composite Image of M81; http://hubblesite.org/newscenter/archive/releases/2007/19/image/j/format/web/

46. What is There?

In_The_Eye_Of_The_Begotten_II_by_ne

Look into my eyes,

What do you see?

A multitude of lies,

Or the truth in what I be?

Do you see the tears,

That fell so oft’?

All of the fears?

Or is there the soft?

Can you see what my eyes have ever seen?

The visions of goodbye, and minds’ calm ravine?

Do you see anything,

Anything at all?

Emptiness does it sing,

Or is fulfillment its’ call?

Look at my eyes,

What do you see?

A spirit that flies,

Or one that longs to be?

K. Aldaya, 3/15/04

Picture:  In the Eye of the Begotten by Neodecay on Deviant Art; http://neodecay.deviantart.com/art/In-The-Eye-Of-The-Begotten-II-50444124

45. Not Like You

dungeon

I just can’t truly relate,

To others at any rate.

I just don’t fit in here,

Near others I so fear.

I just am so afraid,

I wish I could just fade.

I just am so alone,

But for others live as stone.

I just don’t understand,

How you can live in this land?

I just don’t think like you,

I don’t feel the way you do.

That is why I am so hated,

Forever unloved and berated.

Leave me be and let me stay,

In my own world, locked away.

Never to be known or seen,

For eternity behind my screen.

K. Aldaya, 3/14/04

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gVknTK0QANk/T90WilbWrzI/AAAAAAAADSE/14giGjbyvLU/s1600/dungeon.jpg

44. The Sky

sun_sky_1

At times when I think nothing is right,

And I feel that I am losing this fight.

When people are really cruel and vile,

One can get to feel dreadfully futile.

That is when you need the wide sky,

A vision of happy to see with your eye.

Each sky is different than ever before,

Up where the clouds and birds ever soar.

Looking at sunbeams through the white clouds,

Wastes away all of your life’s sad shrouds.

In raising your attentions heaven-bound.

It gives you a chance to lose earth ground.

You no longer are a tormented soul,

But ‘God’ has you and you feel whole.

Just for a little while you are at peace,

Until you return back to the pit without cease.

K. Aldaya, 3/10/04

Picture:  Photographer Unknown; http://environmental-life-ministries.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/sun_sky_1.jpg