455. Hidden

There are passions hidden inside,

In chests locked and dusty.

I wish I didn’t have to hide,

All the best parts of me.

It’s not as if I chose to leave,

Parts of my heart behind.

It’s not as if I didn’t grieve,

And fight back with my mind.

My passions were taken from me,

By life’s consequences.

I can’t fix what’s happened to me,

Or live in ‘past tense’s’.

If I could make a net to cast,

Into the sea of thought.

I’d ne’er have let them swim on past;

Yet, it is all for naught!

I can not fix my skittish brain.

There is no pill or cure;

Though I wish I were not insane,

‘Want’ won’t make it occur.

I opened up the chest last night,

In dreams, I came to life.

I sang and it was all alright,…

Then wept for my lost life.

No one will ever know the me,…

The me which could have been;

She had passions you’ll never see,

But some dreams can’t happen.

There are passions hidden inside,

In chests locked and dusty,

And if I may, I’d like to confide,

That sometimes I will take the key,

And open them up for a time.

K. Aldaya, 8/27/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/key-open-castle-close-close-up-1422806/

454. A-part

I float away…all day…everyday.

I drift away…never stay…never stay…

The same.

I am me…”I agree”…”I agree”…

Yet,…”I disagree…I’m not free to be me…

Fully”.

I want to do…what I want to…see it through;

But, I can not do what I want to…plans fall through…

The cracks.

I am there…everywhere…and no where.

I float in the air of time in despair…neither here nor there…

A piece.

I’m only ever part of me…one me…not every me.

I always find I disagree…with me…and me…and me…

In part.

I can not stay…this way…or that way.

I drift away…never stay…never stay…

The same.

K. Aldaya, 8/12/18

Picture: Original Source Unknown; https://www.thecounsellorscafe.co.uk/single-post/2016/12/31/What-does-your-online-presence-say-about-you

453. Dust Yourself Off

I hate when you treat me nicely.

I hate when I start to believe.

I hate that I set myself up again,

To question reality.

I hate that you’re not a monster.

I hate that I can’t run away.

I hate that I will walk closer to you,

And put myself in danger.

I hate that life’s not black or white.

I hate that I do not hate you.

I hate that nothing is ever simple,

And that none of this feels right.

I hate that I can not trust you.

I hate that to trust is a trap.

I hate that I try, and hate that I care,

When I really don’t want to.

I hate that you don’t really care.

I hate that it’s all a mirage.

I hate that I always hate myself more,

When again you leave me there…

…in your dust.

K. Aldaya, 8/11/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/iraq-sandstorm-weather-man-80329/

452. My Heart is Where You Are

I hear your voice call out to me,

For where you are, is where I’ll be.

No matter how near or how far,

My heart is where you are.

I see your face in all my dreams,

For time is never what it seems.

No matter what the hour may be,

Your smile is what I’ll see.

I feel the warmth of your embrace,

For your taction makes my heart race.

No matter how the wind’s may chill,

Your life will warm me still.

I sense your soul, it’s always there.

You’re in my heart and everywhere.

No matter what occurs tomorrow,

Where you are…I will go.

I hear your voice call out to me,

For where you are, is where I’ll be.

No matter how near or how far,

My heart is where you are.

K. Aldaya, 8/10/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/balloon-heart-love-romance-sky-1046658/

451. Freak of Nature

You look at me like I’m a wall…about to crumble.

You step back…once…twice…always,

Then turn away while I rumble…

And fall to pieces.

You look at me like I’m a dam…about to rupture;

Then you tell me to be strong,

As you gossip ’bout my structure…

And I flood and drown.

You look at me like I’m a storm…about to transpire.

You run as far as you can;

And as my footing becomes dire…

I up and vanish.

Yes, I’m the freak of nature everyone passes by.

I tumbled down. I sank beneath. I blew into the sky.

No, No one ever said: “closer”…

They just waved goodbye.

K. Aldaya, 8/1/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/alone-walking-night-people-city-764926/