284. To My Children

Someday when you read these poems,

I hope that you will see,

That although I had ups and downs,

I never ceased loving thee.

Someday when facing ups and downs,

I hope you’ll think of me;

And remember that though life’s often hard,

Please fight and stay afloat for me!

Someday when your ship is lost,

And storms barrage and sting…

Thy face…it is the face of one,

Who gave my life meaning.

Someday when you read these poems,

I hope that you will know,

How much I want the best for you.

How deeply I want you to know…

That when you were born, my darlings,

I couldn’t have loved you more;

And when weak and tired from the long swim,

Your boat brought me to shore.

And on that shore we lived together,

For a time, in the home we built.

And no matter what the days, they bring,

Our time-built love will never wilt.

So, someday when you read these poems,

I hope you will understand.

How much joy you brought to my life,

From the first day I held each little hand.

For when you reached out to me,

I too reached to thee.

K. Aldaya, 1/22/15

Picture: “A Mother’s Love” By Dean Jacobs: http://deanjacobsillustration.com; http://theskunkpot.com/index.php/digital-hyperrealistic-illustrations-by-dean-jacobs/

281. Reincarnation

Oh, how enchanting your presence is.

How my heartbeats run away with you.

To another life. Another time.

Where they once beat together as one, not two!

Does time flow through this heart?

Does it keep repeating its’ destiny?

Through the ages flowing the same course?

Ever to meet and bleed-out tragedy?

So close these hearts to one another,

Always close, yet never close enough.

Providence paints a grievous story,

On the hands of time,…deep and rough,…

In my heart.

K. Aldaya, 11/20/14

Picture: From Om Shanti Om; http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-U5JZM-nIhd8/U6sJpkuUKmI/AAAAAAAAhOA/D6cqDfAHPUo/s1600/om+shanti+om+snowglobe.png

249. Gardens of Persephone

In the gardens of Persephone,

I’ve built a house for thee.

So every spring when flowers bloom,

They will bloom for thee.

And every morn when sun appears,

As Helios’ chariot veers,

Through the sky and warms your face;

Do not shed your tears!

For when spring’s gone and time moves on,

And the world seems dark even at dawn,

Remember that when seasons have passed,

Spring will return with a yawn.

To renew your spirits and hope:

To live on and to cope,

Until we meet again my love,

In the afterlife to elope….

Where I’ve built a house near Persephone,

And wave her off when she goes to thee;

Every spring, wait there patiently,

In the home, for us, in eternity.

K. Aldaya, 8/18/13

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://www.mrwallpaper.com/wallpapers/flower-field-sunset.jpg

235. What is This?

Why is it that I feel so happy when you’re near?

When you notice me, look at my face,…

And just in that you’re here?

Is something wrong with me that I want your attention?

When loved and love is it yet not enough?

Is that why I crave your affection?

I hate myself for caring when you are not around.

Am I that pathetic that I can’t be content standing on the ground?

Do I need to fly?

To leave the confines I am in?

Do I long be an angel or seraphim when I am but a human?

I do not deserve this much attention,…I know that…I do,

Yet I want your love. I need your love.

I feel I’ll fade without you too.

Does that mean that I love you?

In caring that you’ll leave?

And in knowing that one day when you do,

I will cry and your loss grieve?

What is love exactly? How do I know what is love or not?

Is love what I feel when I’m with you?

Or is it the attention which is sought?

All I know is that you confuse me….

I question everything.

My heart is like a puppet manipulated by your string.

And if you someday don’t care anymore, or don’t notice me.

Will my heart fall never to be moved or will it finally be free?

K. Aldaya, 03/22/13

Picture: “Reaching Out For Love” by kjherstin; http://kjherstin.deviantart.com/art/Reaching-out-for-love-58708494

231. Needy

Please see me….really see me,

And help me to stand.

I need you so deeply,

You don’t understand!

Sometimes I feel abandoned,

When you don’t see my pain.

I long to cry: “Don’t leave me!”,

But don’t want love in fain.

I long to be beautiful,

And worthy of embrace.

I long to be so special,

Your eyes will never leave my face.

The truth is I’ll never be,

As special as I need.

No love will ever be enough.

Never full….I feed and feed.

So empty inside. An empty void.

A vast and broken soul.

No love could ever fill it in,

Or make it new and whole.

I’m not special. Just a freak.

Too needy to feel love.

The pain will always be too great,

For me to rise above.

Please help me,… for right now,

I cannot feel your love!

K. Aldaya, 09/11/12

Picture: “A Broken Dream” by ageai; http://www.deviantart.com/art/In-A-Broken-Dream-11058263