When I needed a hand, no one was around.
When I bled out my pain, no one ever cared.
When I needed an ear, no one ever listened.
When I cried myself to sleep, no one was awake.
When I needed a hug, no one ever held me.
When I was alone and scared, no one ever came.
Yes, I’ve always been needy…
And “No One” is my name.
K. Aldaya, 1/31/18
Picture: By: Justin Novello by Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/Y14TNvIDllM
I didn’t want to die when I swallowed all those pills.
I didn’t want to die when I climbed those lofty hills.
I didn’t want to die when I tied that rope on tight.
I didn’t want to die when I climbed that towers’ height.
I didn’t want to die when I loaded that old gun.
I didn’t want to die, yet what is done, is done.
I swallowed all those pills, and climbed those lofty hills;
And tied that rope on tight, and jumped off from that height.
And I loaded that old gun, for there wasn’t anyone,…to say:
“You do not have to die! It doesn’t have to be this way.”
I see you there with all those pills. I see you climbing hills.
I see that you purchased that rope and have no sense of hope.
I see that you are walking up the stairs to the top.
I see that gun, “Put it down. Put it down. Stop!”
You do not have to die, my friend.
This should not be your end.
I see you. I see you…and all that pain within you.
Please put down those pills, and walk beyond those hills.
Unknot that rope. There’s still hope. There’s still hope!
Lay down that gun, and in the morn we’ll watch the sun,…
As it peeks o’er the line ‘tween night and day,
We’ll sit and watch the start of another earthly day;
And laugh, and cry, and hope together,
Under the ethereal clouds we gather,…
And fashion into dreams.
K. Aldaya, 10/4/17
Picture: https://www.wallpaperflare.com/brown-rocky-mountain-during-sunrise-photo-rophaien-wallpaper-17362
Brother dear, don’t leave me here.
It’s lonely in this closet.
Sister dear, I fear…I fear,
The harms which men commit.
Sister dear, don’t leave me here.
It’s lonely in this room.
Brother dear, I fear…I fear,
This life will be my tomb.
Brother dear, don’t leave me here.
It’s lonely in my mind.
Sister dear, I fear…I fear,
I’ll one day lose my mind.
Sister dear, don’t leave me here,
It’s lonely without you.
Brother dear, I fear…I fear,
The past we can’t undo.
K. Aldaya, 6/22/17
Picture: From Pinterest; http://weheartit.com/entry/27044263
Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.
Tears flowing forth.
Time runs it’s course,
In the flowing forth of words from mouths.
Nothing but a freak.
A child: lost and meek,
Cursed to bear the cost of others’ sorrows.
Fates can not be changed.
Experiences rearranged.
Once set into motion it continues.
Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.
“Kill yourself today.
You’re in everybody’s way.
Why can’t you see your fate is sealed.
No one wants you here.
Curse’s won’t disappear.
Why must you fight the flowing of the water.”
The window is ajar,
And beyond is just a bar.
One step and then it will all be over.
Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.
Nobody will stop you.
You know what you must do.
Look down into the darkness of the water.
Their eyes are looking up.
Go on, they’ve had enough.
It will only hurt a little longer.
Legs break in the fall.
Nobody cares at all.
They watch you with the coldness of the water.
Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.
Crawl to the boat’s tip.
Take a little slip.
Fall down face first into shivering water.
Can not swim away.
Lungs fill up straight away.
Choke upon the apathy of strangers.
Bodies soon grow cold,
As souls release their hold,
And all that’s left’s another child forgotten.
Flow. Flow. Flow in the water.
No one speaks the name.
Life goes on just the same,
As bodies drift away on the water.
Cruelty is a plague.
Apathy digs a grave,
Which buries all the outcast little children.
Flow. Flow. Flow in the water…
…Go. Go. Go to the water…
…….Go. Go. Go to the water.
K. Aldaya, 5/21/17
Picture: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22892496-dust-to-dust
The grass-blades blew around my feet,
As a child I looked to the sky.
I knew you were my everything,
Yet one day, that you would die.
I studied you in the distance;
A form of God on earth.
I worshipped without question,
The toiler of my birth.
I called out with no reply.
I saw you there unmoving.
I wondered why you were so still,
Neither loving nor disapproving.
Like a picture of a memory,
You were perfect in my eyes;
With a smile: warm and tender.
I was naive and unwise.
Then a feeling hit me like a rock,
And I ran as tears fell down.
I ran, and ran, and ran,
Through the wheat at dawn.
I came so close to you,
I swear I heard your heart,
And as you faded away,
I kept listening for your heart.
Yet, your heart, it left with you,
Along with my youth.
You left me unsure of my worth,
For to me, you were it’s proof.
I was only a child afraid,
Who wanted you to stay,
But my picture of you drifted,
On the winds of a new day.
You never ran to me, not once;
Nor cared to hear my heart.
If I ever needed a hug,
Or if I’d fallen apart.
I wish I’d known on that day long ago,
No matter how hard I ran,
I’d never have made it there in time,
For you to hold my hand.
The grass-blades blew around my feet,
On the day I said goodbye,
To the picture I had of you,
And turned toward the sky.
It’s blue was as an ocean: pure,
I found hope in it’s peace,
That even those left all alone,
May find their love increase.
The grass-blades blew around my feet,
As a child I looked to the sky.
I wish I could have let her know,
That one day she’d be able to fly…
Into the loving arms of some distant, future sky.
K. Aldaya, 5/20/17
My Soul is a Lock Without a Key 