428. H(a)unted

I am h(a)unted by the past,

It stalks me in the night;

Pounds on the doors of my mind,

And causes endless fright,…

In passing.

I am h(a)unted by the past,

It preys upon my fear,

With arrows ready for the kill;

And I, just another de(e)ar,…

Am game.

I am h(a)unted by the past,

It follows in my wake;

Relentlessly, after my life,

For the past we can’t forsake,…

Or change.

I am h(a)unted by the past,

It’s traps are placed and ready,

To spring when least expected.

The path’s long, and feet unsteady,…

As I step onward,….ever onward,…

To live.

K. Aldaya, 2/27/18

Picture: https://www.shutterstock.com/video/clip-16391017-stock-footage-romantic-woman-in-forest.html?src=rel/23381599:1/gg

395. All or Nothing

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The me I would have been,

I can not recall.

I don’t know the me which existed,

Before life changed it all.

I don’t remember the good times,

When things weren’t dark and cold,

Or know what to tell my child self,

Whose body is growing old.

People say, “forget the past”,

But it makes us who we are,

And I can’t changed how it’s shaped me,

Just by wishing on a star.

I have all these broken parts,

Who are still stuck in one place,

While time moves on around them,

Yet they never age in pace.

They live just as ghosts,

Haunting their old home;

They’re separated, in one place,

Surrounded and yet alone.

I don’t know how to exorcise;

To banish parts of me.

If I ever did know how though,

Which one of them would I be?

The me I would have been,

I can not recall.

The me I was, is shattered,

I’m no longer one…I am all…

…or nothing.

K. Aldaya, 5/18/17

Picture: By: Guilherme Caetano on Unsplash; https://unsplash.com/photos/S9Z72rfb1zc

374. Drifting Ghosts

I stand still too afraid to move forward,

For each step taken cuts deep like a sword.

Everything is a mem’ry I’d rather forget;

And each day is yet another spent in regret.

I know I cannot save myself, so I beg for the hand…

Which chokes me into silence yet again.

Which chokes me into silence again.

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I stand and glance across the sun-parched grass,

Spying on the baffling winds as they pass…

A leaf toward my feet..oh, just like the one which flew..

Along the path I used to walk on, and I knew…

It was your lonesome and bitter ghost, haunting me again;

And your presence drags me back there again.

You always drag me back there again.

I stand and wonder, and ponder too long,

On why the winds carry my ghosts along:

Forever drifting about in search when I flee.

I hear their voices echo and cry out to me.

I stand here in front of you with a penetrating smile.

No one cares the ghosts were there all the while.

Ah, my ghosts have been there all the while.

K. Aldaya, 11/2/16

Picture: http://www.lovethispic.com/image/34003/fall-leaves-gif

371. Inertia

Nightmares are only reverse dreams,

And ghosts are merely shadows.

Memories are just vivid streams,

Of self-perceptioned scenes.

Dreams are only reverse nightmares,

And shadows are merely ghosts.

Memories are the eyes which stare,

Deep down into our souls.

Phantoms haunt, and memories hurt;

And nightmares destroy dreams….

While time ticks on and on: inert,

To what we tell ourselves.

K. Aldaya, 9/25/16

Picture: Scene Capture from “Pretty Little Liars”; http://www.afterellen.com/tv/209853-pretty-little-liars-recap-4-19-shadow-play/3

343. Ghosts Are Some of My Best Friends