408. Where is Hope?

Hope-May Spring went outside to sing,

And play among the flowers.

Her days were spent frolicking,

And dancing ‘way the hours,

In the sun.

One day she walked upon the stage,

To sing her song aloud.

She stepped bravely across the stage,

And sang out strong and proud:

Joyously.

Applause rang out through the room,

And Hope-May was o’erjoyed,

To have touched hearts within that room,

Her smile could not avoid…

Joining in.

Joy can’t last forever though,

And no story is so kind,

For as soon as it was time to go,

Her mother voiced her mind:

“Not the worst”.

Strangers praised her performance,

Yet her mother looked on sternly.

Her songs could never seem to dance,

Their way in mother’s heart to free…

Approval.

Through the years she heard no praise;

Nor laud. Nor compliment.

And soon she felt her mother’s gaze,

Was always there and sent…

Shivers down.

Ah, that voice was always there.

Always echoing: “Never enough!”,

Until the joy she used to share,

Sang out soft and gruff;

And empty.

Her joy, her mother ate it all;

Served with criticism and jeers.

Hope-May ate the meals all,

And swallowed down her tears…

In silence.

Hope-May Spring used to sing.

It’s said she sang quite well;

Though now she does not like to sing,

Nor does she ever tell…

Of her heart.

Though sometimes she dreams secretly,

Of those days so long ago,

When her heart was given joyously,

And hope could freely flow;

From her veins.

Hope-May Spring will sometimes sing,

And smile vacantly;

Though if you listen to her sing,

You’ll hear a sad and desperate plea:

“Where is Hope?”.

K. Aldaya, 7/13/17

403. Doublethink

You taught me your doublethink,

Now I can’t escape the effects.

When ill I tell myself I’m fine,

When fine, sickness still infects.

I’m always here on the brink.

You taught me my words don’t count.

When sad to be happy.

When happy, never be too glad.

Survival’s all you can see.

Words and feelings never count.

You taught me your distortion.

Truth’s whatever served you the best;

And the truth is you lied to me,

For you, it was always best.

You flourished in extortion.

You taught me your doublethink,

Now your words, they hold no meaning.

When I’m angry I’m also calm;

Yet when calm,…anger’s seething!

I don’t think, I think…I think??

Sad is bad, and bad is sad.

And glad is mad, and mad is glad.

For 1 is 2 and 2 is 1.

You’re insane, so smile, be sad!

Doublethink has made you glad!

K. Aldaya, 6/28/17

96. Random Thought #4

girl_telling_the_bullying_to_stop

Demeaning Violence

Has the violence really stopped,

‘Cause we don’t use the guillotine?

Or has it just clearly chopped,

Into our life routine?

A helping of constant demean?

K. Aldaya, 11/05/04

Picture:  Artist Unknown; http://helpforcodependency.com/codependency-verbal-abuse/

75. Words Can’t Hurt You

words_hurt_by_skittles_and_zombies-d5sqf7g

Who again said “words can’t hurt you”?

That somehow words just flow right through?

I would rather be stabbed in head,

Than stabbed in back with words they’ve said.

Tearing people down with words,

Is the forte of cowards.

No scar left to show the attack,

They get away with every smack.

Never punished for their crimes,

Judicial records hold no times.

Though they injure to the soul,

Kill all that makes a person whole.

A scar, a cut, a bruise can heal,

But ever will those insults feel.

As if they were just said today,

Repeating in head the same way.

Can’t escape the memories,

They consume like a disease.

Go away! Stop yelling!

Don’t worry. There’s no telling!

No one cares that you slaughtered,

Cut my heart with every word.

You will get away with it,

Go ahead. Hit and hit!

Like you always say,

I deserve it anyway.

I wish you’d smack me this time.

You always threaten to, each time.

Hold your hand up like you will,

Instead throw the dog for a thrill.

Hear it crying and me too,

But hit me you will not do.

For you knew that I would wear,

Something that showed you were there.

You’re a coward. You knew,

My mom could punish me for you.

And no dirty work on hands,

From the toiling of your plans.

Who again said “words can’t hurt you”,

If only the hurt from words they knew.

K. Aldaya, 9/18/04

Picture:  “Words Hurt” by Skittles-And-Zombies on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/Words-Hurt-350592892