90. Mirror Reflection

I look at the reflection,

A soul to soul projection.

Shadow of a place,

That hides beneath the face.

I stare in deep ferocity,

With heightened luminosity,

Into the eyes that see,

A door with lock and key.

Open with kind docility,

An unsure bearability,

Of what lies beyon’,

In visions long forgone.

A nightmares’ contribution,

Carries swift persecution,

To the soul that knows,

What this doth expose.

This reflections’ exploratory.

Unexplored interrogatory.

Never. Never. Never.

Will I continue this endeavor!

I know well the destitution,

Of past prostitution.

Trapped in mirror’s reflection,

A lost shadows’ inflection,

Only known by my detection.

K. Aldaya, 10/24/04

Picture: “Mirror Reflection by KimRaceQueen on Deviant Art; http://kimracequeen.deviantart.com/art/Mirror-Reflection-208504447

83. Repression

I can’t touch anything now,

It’s all coming again,

These feelings I can’t escape,

From things that happened back then.

I burn from the inside out,

Losing realities grip.

Touching things made of soft,

That turn stone as a moment does slip.

How can the body keep living,

With the residue of the mind,

Haunting every motion.

A life sentence of rewind.

Please let this all be over.

I can’t take all this again.

Pitted against the recall,

Of closing off from the pain.

K. Aldaya, 10/10/04

Picture: “Dead Inside” by Pure-Poison89 on Deviant Art; http://pure-poison89.deviantart.com/art/Dead-inside-280258615

76. Apathetic Discernment

How can you see the sun glow,

But never warmth from it to know?

How can you see the vibrant sky,

But feel no stirrings to comply?

How can you hear kind words said,

Feel no consent, discord instead?

How can you see and hear everything,

And yet no feelings, therefore, bring?

K. Aldaya, 9/21/04

67. Feeling’s Gone

My hands they are there,

Every finger I see.

Each finger can move,

To a thought’s plea.

But is what we perceive unvarnished reality?

If reality is purely perception.

If moved a finger not.

Shall I see the hand as false,

When feeling is not sought.

When feeling is all gone,

What truth or real have I got?

K. Aldaya, 8/1/04

60. Confliction

Did it really happen?

I knew at the time it did,

But now I only question.

From my eyes all truth is hid.

My head is so confused.

Are they right about this too?

Did I over-react then or did I make up what I knew?

Their words clutter thoughts,

Making me rethink everything.

Did it happen at all or was it as they so sing?

Was it a daydream that I confused with real?

They’re right…my fault!

I deserve what I got, and feel.

Now I must forget that anything happened at all.

I must not ever show,

Hurt from hitting that brick wall.

K. Aldaya, 5/20/04

Picture: from Missing You: Actress Kim So-Hyun as 15 year old Lee Soo-yeon; https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-1S3D-ADJXzo/ULnXNr5qCqI/AAAAAAAAABU/Mw3T3ZFlPxw/I-Miss-You-Korean-Drama.jpg