458. Runaway

My body fights while my mind runs away.

How can I get it to stop running, and stay?

My body, it lives, though my mind…it plays dead;

And quite convincingly, acts as brainless instead.

You do not know me…as I am not there.

I hide and you do not notice or care.

You call me a moron for being unaware;

As I run further away in despair.

What can I do? And what can I say?

To make my restless, broken soul stay?

I look out, trapped behind my eyes,

And it’s no longer me who hurts or cries.

My body fights while my mind runs away;

Though sometimes I wonder…why should it stay?

K. Aldaya, 10/25/18

Picture: http://discovermagazine.com/2012/jul-aug/05-ways-to-leave-your-body

454. A-part

I float away…all day…everyday.

I drift away…never stay…never stay…

The same.

I am me…”I agree”…”I agree”…

Yet,…”I disagree…I’m not free to be me…

Fully”.

I want to do…what I want to…see it through;

But, I can not do what I want to…plans fall through…

The cracks.

I am there…everywhere…and no where.

I float in the air of time in despair…neither here nor there…

A piece.

I’m only ever part of me…one me…not every me.

I always find I disagree…with me…and me…and me…

In part.

I can not stay…this way…or that way.

I drift away…never stay…never stay…

The same.

K. Aldaya, 8/12/18

Picture: Original Source Unknown; https://www.thecounsellorscafe.co.uk/single-post/2016/12/31/What-does-your-online-presence-say-about-you

420. Mirror

Fingers pressed,

Firm and still,

Awaiting motion,…

From the brain wand’ring at will,

Beyond all tactile notion.

Eyes adrift,

Scan and see,

Sights too far from word;

Through glass they hide from mem’ry,

In corners undiscovered.

Tiptoeing.

Wandering.

Matter falls away.

In the mirror unblinking,

She silently floats away.

K. Aldaya, 12/7/17

Picture: Original Source Unknown; https://wallpaperscraft.com/download/girl_mirror_reflection_opinion_87457/1920×1080#

399. Safe Harbor

Lips are moving…moving fast,

Yet I can not hear a word.

People walking…walking past,

Just outside of myself.

Wake me up…up to you;

To the world in which you dwell.

So far away…far away.

I stumbled back and fell.

I hit my face…my face hard,

To try and make it to you.

The skin: my cage…cage and guard,

Locks me in here again.

Now I see…see distantly,

The place called: reality.

People live there…there alive,

While I live inside me.

What have you said…said to me?

I do not understand you.

A million miles…miles from me.

You soon grow frustrated.

I do not blame…blame your words…

Of anger for no reply.

Yet if I spoke…spoke to you,

My words would just belie.

My bones they walk…walk and speak,

In a world beyond control.

My skin a shell…shell to peek…

Eyes outward, safe from harm.

Hands are moving…moving fast,

In belligerent retort.

How can I leave…leave here now?

Without harbor or port?

You push me out…out to sea,

Where I float just out of reach.

If only hands…hands held me…

Close, in understanding.

Please don’t push…push me away.

I just need some time and space.

When I feel…feel safe again,

I’ll hoist my sail and race,

Toward harbor…harbor and shore,

Where I’ll land upon life’s coast.

You may pull…pull me ashore,

Or push me out to sea.

Though if you care…care for me,

Then pull or leave me alone,

And I’ll make my way…way back,

When it’s safe, on my own.

K. Aldaya, 6/21/17

Picture: http://all-free-download.com/free-photos/download/small-yacht-at-sea_204659.html

381. Dissociation

hinh-anh-buon-cua-cac-co-gai-3

Time escapes me again…

Slips through my trembling fingers;

Rushes on into the future…

And life: it occurs.

In the void I sit…

Between life and it’s future dawn;

Where I waste precious hours,

As time ticks right on.

Time is not my friend,

And walks past me nonchalantly;

So I ever return to time in mourning,

Of the hours which have left me.

K. Aldaya, 1/13/17

Picture: http://vforum.vn/diendan/showthread.php?76477-Hinh-anh-buon-dau-kho-cua-cac-co-gai-vi-that-tinh