156. Falling Rain

The body won’t forget what the mind wants to,

So I’m stuck with these old feelings,

And a constant aching-clue,

As to why there are no ceilings,

On this house or any other.

A protective realm of dry,

Under the blackened shadows of the rainy sky.

Bones rust and rot, …hoping to die.

The mind doesn’t want to recall what the body’s kept,

For the mind escaped somewhere while the body slept.

Dreams…0’dreams have brought me here,

To this time I own,

But skin decays, in gripped portrays,

Of storms the mind’s disowned.

The body won’t forget what the mind longs to.

The damage is already done,

Though God’s pulled the years through,

Out of the flood and mounting mud,

Having no reason…not one…haven’t a clue,

For the hours and minutes here are,

Undeserving of a mind.

In a cursed tomb as this with no covering to find….

And there’s one drop…more behind.

K. Aldaya, 8/6/05

Picture: “Rain Drops” by Austin Tolin on Flickr; https://www.flickr.com/photos/austintolin/124121992/in/set-72057594085954911

107. Empty Paradise

Frustrated with my lack of knowing,

And what should I then do?

It’s as if all wisdom is undoing,

An empty paradise ensuing.

Vexed with vexes long o’er due,

Void of gold solutions.

Blank fills the mind anew,

Abandoned thoughts take their cue.

K. Aldaya, 12/1/04

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8TlTVhsx2Ks/TgTlPzP3u1I/AAAAAAAAAWE/xFTtKSmPVEU/s1600/6a00d8341c692c53ef010536923b7d970b-800wi.jpg

83. Repression

I can’t touch anything now,

It’s all coming again,

These feelings I can’t escape,

From things that happened back then.

I burn from the inside out,

Losing realities grip.

Touching things made of soft,

That turn stone as a moment does slip.

How can the body keep living,

With the residue of the mind,

Haunting every motion.

A life sentence of rewind.

Please let this all be over.

I can’t take all this again.

Pitted against the recall,

Of closing off from the pain.

K. Aldaya, 10/10/04

Picture: “Dead Inside” by Pure-Poison89 on Deviant Art; http://pure-poison89.deviantart.com/art/Dead-inside-280258615

60. Confliction

Did it really happen?

I knew at the time it did,

But now I only question.

From my eyes all truth is hid.

My head is so confused.

Are they right about this too?

Did I over-react then or did I make up what I knew?

Their words clutter thoughts,

Making me rethink everything.

Did it happen at all or was it as they so sing?

Was it a daydream that I confused with real?

They’re right…my fault!

I deserve what I got, and feel.

Now I must forget that anything happened at all.

I must not ever show,

Hurt from hitting that brick wall.

K. Aldaya, 5/20/04

Picture: from Missing You: Actress Kim So-Hyun as 15 year old Lee Soo-yeon; https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-1S3D-ADJXzo/ULnXNr5qCqI/AAAAAAAAABU/Mw3T3ZFlPxw/I-Miss-You-Korean-Drama.jpg

37. Far From the Firelight

She sat by the windowsill late one night; it was in full winter and the room lit by firelight.

The snow was falling gently to the ground, glistening magically with crisp moons’-light abound.

Not a sound could be heard but winds’ dance, against the glass she gazed through, in a trance.

The warmth cast from the fire she barely felt at all. It was the wintery night scene which to her heart did call.

The crackle of the firewood and flickering of the blaze were distant and foreign now amidst her window gaze.

She felt nothing but the emptiness of her soul, which made her wish for the fire that had once made her feel whole.

A slight movement of her hand allowed the winds to enter, cutting off the tiny bit of warmth the fire had sent her.

Now all was silent and motionless but the falling snow, so she climbed out into it, and the skies’ scattered glow.

She ran out to where the moons’-light hit the ground best. She felt not the snow nor the cold air from the west.

There she laid herself on the white earth, until he felt the warmth she knew to be priceless in worth.

There she dwells ever still in that place so right, where warmth was given to her soul far from the firelight.

K. Aldaya, 9/21/03

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_eqYkvg-kuo/UHrEVXZRDOI/AAAAAAAAFXU/bYdZ5VuJRBM/s1600/Girl+at+Window.jpg