470. It’s Only Fair

black-and-white-girl-nature-photography-Favim.com-356563

They say that life,…it isn’t fair.

That the best of us die young;

And men who live until old age,

Still die with songs unsung.

Yet tears give life to the Earth,

And the dead find a place to lie.

You raped me, but it’s alright;

‘Cause I,… I watched you die.

It’s said that there is a plan,…

Some meaning to it all.

Yet I find it hard to sleep at night,

As people rise and fall.

Will anyone remember you?

Will they laugh or will they cry?

You raped me, and it’s not alright,

Yet I…, maybe I should feel glad,…

For I,…I watched you die.

Did the angels ever get to fly or is it just a tale,

Told by early men who died by both monster and sail?

I do not know much of it,

Though I fear it’s all comforting lie.

Those who hurt, rape, and kill,…

One day they too will die.

Is death the great equalizer?

In death is all made right?

Will the criminals and the victims,

Go together toward the light?

All men are born victims,

And even criminals cry;

And even though you hurt me,

I didn’t want you to die.

K. Aldaya, 3/24/19

Picture: Original Source Unknown; http://favim.com/image/356563/

454. A-part

I float away…all day…everyday.

I drift away…never stay…never stay…

The same.

I am me…”I agree”…”I agree”…

Yet,…”I disagree…I’m not free to be me…

Fully”.

I want to do…what I want to…see it through;

But, I can not do what I want to…plans fall through…

The cracks.

I am there…everywhere…and no where.

I float in the air of time in despair…neither here nor there…

A piece.

I’m only ever part of me…one me…not every me.

I always find I disagree…with me…and me…and me…

In part.

I can not stay…this way…or that way.

I drift away…never stay…never stay…

The same.

K. Aldaya, 8/12/18

Picture: Original Source Unknown; https://www.thecounsellorscafe.co.uk/single-post/2016/12/31/What-does-your-online-presence-say-about-you

453. Dust Yourself Off

I hate when you treat me nicely.

I hate when I start to believe.

I hate that I set myself up again,

To question reality.

I hate that you’re not a monster.

I hate that I can’t run away.

I hate that I will walk closer to you,

And put myself in danger.

I hate that life’s not black or white.

I hate that I do not hate you.

I hate that nothing is ever simple,

And that none of this feels right.

I hate that I can not trust you.

I hate that to trust is a trap.

I hate that I try, and hate that I care,

When I really don’t want to.

I hate that you don’t really care.

I hate that it’s all a mirage.

I hate that I always hate myself more,

When again you leave me there…

…in your dust.

K. Aldaya, 8/11/18

Picture: https://pixabay.com/en/iraq-sandstorm-weather-man-80329/

403. Doublethink

You taught me your doublethink,

Now I can’t escape the effects.

When ill I tell myself I’m fine,

When fine, sickness still infects.

I’m always here on the brink.

You taught me my words don’t count.

When sad to be happy.

When happy, never be too glad.

Survival’s all you can see.

Words and feelings never count.

You taught me your distortion.

Truth’s whatever served you the best;

And the truth is you lied to me,

For you, it was always best.

You flourished in extortion.

You taught me your doublethink,

Now your words, they hold no meaning.

When I’m angry I’m also calm;

Yet when calm,…anger’s seething!

I don’t think, I think…I think??

Sad is bad, and bad is sad.

And glad is mad, and mad is glad.

For 1 is 2 and 2 is 1.

You’re insane, so smile, be sad!

Doublethink has made you glad!

K. Aldaya, 6/28/17

223. Chaotic

River Tam

I want to know.

I  have to know.

I need to know everything.

I will fight and ne’er will rest,

Until I know and sing:….

You cannot get away with it,

For I know everything!

I don’t want to know.

I just cannot know.

I don’t want to know a thing.

I will hide and e’er will rest,

Pretending not to know a thing.

Nothing happened. Not a thing.

No…..Not anything.

Open your eyes and see.

Close your eyes and flee.

I want to cling…I must know,…

No! Not know!

………..All I want is to bring,

Order to the chaos,…. in everything!

K. Aldaya, 12/23/11

Picture: from Serenity: Summer Glau as River Tam; http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xfHjU-Pwxbg/TbLcAMwH0DI/AAAAAAAAAS8/eXpoGAIw8f0/s320/River%2BTam.jpg