353. Puppet Heart

It reminds me that I’m not loved for me…

I’m loved for what I do;

When I don’t do what’s expected,

(As all those other people do),

I’m swiftly rejected.

No words are needed to remind me that,

My mind’s not important to you.

As long as my body does it’s work,

You’ll treat me as a human too.

I’m nothing but a piece of work.

Even my mind can’t stand for this,

And is gone most of the time.

How is it I don’t have a say,

In controlling what is mine?

So it oft’ seems best just to stay away.

I have to earn my place in your heart,

I’m not enough just being me.

If I didn’t do what I’m supposed to,

Would you ever be able to love me?

Love comes with strings attached.

K. Aldaya, 5/13/16

Picture: By Rosie Hardy on Flickr; http://weheartit.com/entry/group/467124

187. What a Fraud!

I deeply hate you for your lies,

You told me that you cared for me,

But as I know well, love dies;

If there was ever such a thing,

Beyond the ageless cries.

How can you laugh and enjoy,

The pained days given forth.

Like a vile soul envoy,

That kills the hope of more.

No I’m not some f***ing toy!

Though thrown out as a whore.

What did I do to deserve,

Being a pawn you play,

To win a better hand serve,

By use of a body:

Simply a first observe,

By one, cold and haughty.

K. Aldaya, 11/21/05

Picture: Originally from http://fuckyeahtumblraddict.tumblr.com/; Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/225105/

184. Conditional Love

I could proclaim a million times that I love you,

But it still wouldn’t change a thing;

And you’d still make me sad and rejected,

By words you say with a sting.

You tell me you want me around ’cause you love,

But you show it not by your actions;

For you tell me you worry about me,

Yet then lash out with bitter-shuns.

Why are you always so completely self-pitying?

I know you have troubles, as most do,

But why then would you make another,

More unhappy then ever were you?

Why can’t you just be happy for me?

As life is going well for now,

And I want my future to be different,

To be as auspicious as time will allow.

I know you only love me when I’m doing,

Something for you….then it’s love.

I’m tired of this consistent charade,

Of conditioned-love…

I want to rise above!

K. Aldaya, 11/7/05

Picture: “Rejected” by Alyssia-Teddy on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/rejected-46355178