518. Underground

help

How am I supposed to live,

When no one is willing to accept,

The entirety of my soul?

Every piece of me, broken, is swept…

Under the rug. I’ll never be whole.

How am I supposed to feel,

When society calls me a lie?

And says the face is what is real,

And not the inner voices who cry.

How am I supposed to trust,

When there’s no one fighting on my side?

I’ve learned the judge is far less cruel,

When the truth is denied,…and we hide.

I may be insane, yet I’m no fool.

How am I supposed to live,

When condemned,…buried,…forgotten?

One cannot live when they’re not free.

So I spend my days with paper and pen,

Writing my own wistful elegy,…

That no one will understand.

K. Aldaya, 6/21/20

Picture: https://www.inverse.com/article/7543-how-do-you-die-when-you-re-buried-alive

273. Life is an Abuser

Life is an abuser,

And I, his unwilling victim.

Everyone tells me I’m wrong.

I should give in,

And go along.

Life is an abuser.

He hurts me all the time.

Everyone tells me to like it.

I should enjoy,

And commit.

Life is an abuser,

And I should love my abuser.

Everyone says I have to,

If I want love,

And acceptance too.

Life is an abuser,

He tells me I’m ungrateful,

And guilts me into staying,

And taking it,….

And praying.

Life is an abuser.

I sit in the corner and chant….

It’s okay….okay….okay….okay…,

But don’t believe it….

Not today.

Life is an abuser.

I tire of being his toy.

He loves to mess with my head.

It hurts so much,

I wish I were dead.

Life is an abuser,

And I, his unwilling victim.

Everyone tells me it’s okay,

But it is not…….NO…..Not today!

K. Aldaya, 6/16/14

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://www.kuramamagazine.com/images/suicidal%20girl.jpg

267. Faithless

Salvation,

Does it exist?

For some maybe…but yet?

I fear there is no hope for me;

For I cannot forget.

Salvation,

Fades like fog,

From the day which journeys on.

I know no one will save me.

I step and step along.

Salvation,

Is a ghost.

I’ve heard it exists yet still,

I can’t see or feel its’ form;

It simply haunts my will.

Salvation.

Tell me how?

I know that I’m to save myself.

Yet, how….Oh God! How?

How does one save ones’-self?

Salvation.

Where and how?

I’m lost and I’m so scared.

How does one fight against ones’-self?

And come out unimpaired?

Salvation.

If I kill.

If part of me just dies away.

Would I still be ‘me’ anymore?

Or would I die as well that day?

Salvation,

Does it exist?

To me it is a mocking wraith.

I’m not capable of salvation.

No, I do not have your faith!

K. Aldaya, 4/15/14

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://www.scenicreflections.com/files/Captive_Angel_Wallpaper_lrcv9.jpg

226. The Basement is My Home

The basement is my home.

It haunts me when I’m away,

And chills me to the bone.

The basement is where ‘she’ lives,

And where the ‘demon’ lives.

I’ve heard dog bark at his voice;

Though near the door will never roam.

The basement is my home.

I close doors to hideaway,

But the voices won’t leave me alone.

The basement is where ‘her’ voice,

And where the voice of horror echoes;

Whispering: “I’m still here…..hear?….

Come down to my vast catacomb!

The basement is my home,

And home to silent screams.

A dark penetrating moan,

And horrid silence….a silent drone.

Frozen with fear: dead-inside,

I forever roam…..

A world of endless doors,

All leading to my basement home.

One day I’ll have to return home,

Chained for all time,

Afraid and alone.

K. Aldaya, 01/03/12

Picture: “Creepy Basement” by DevilishInk on Deviant Art; http://devilishink.deviantart.com/art/Creepy-Basement-267035411