192. Nothing

I am nothing, and nothing will I be.

The world cannot create a joy,

Where none was meant to be.

Though to myself I may want life,

Life may not want me;

To e’er be fully-happy.

Though this itself is but a lie,

As fleeting as our lives,

For who can ever hope to die,

Having seen through heavens’ eyes?

O’ God why give life so devoid,

To beings who know its’ loss?

Where happiness: merely a dream,

Can’t be held-firm, time-across?

What then makes us keep going?

When nothing’s all there is?

When nothing’s what you get?

When nothing’s gained in end?

Just nothing…..nothing.

K. Aldaya, 2/20/06

Picture: “Twist in the Dark” by Nicola Bertellotti; http://derelictmetropolis.tumblr.com/post/33052711013/twist-in-the-dark-by-nicola-bertellotti

188. Exploration of the Evidently Hidden

When you look at that face,

Can you see there disgrace?

Of the ancient days past,

Pushed down without trace;

Recollections aghast,

Etched into a face?

Beyond the known surface,

But clear more or less,

In outwardly appearance:

Eyes fraught with distress.

There for all to sense.

When that face you doth see,

Would you there then agree,

That the life there imposed,

Upon the skin which ye,

See in form transposed,

Is the face of the end,

Of times we all tend,

To cover with false flesh,

Must transcend…must transcend…

The falsities we mesh,

With hours, days, weeks, and years,

The compounding, it sears!

Now no more, yet much more,

Then we there place in tears.

Hidden where none do implore.

K. Aldaya, 12/11/05

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://img5.visualizeus.com/thumbs/58/b8/eyes,eye,green,magic-58b8090052213eee254d9c83bc65473d_h.jpg

185. Heart Aversion

I fear that you don’t love me,

Or that you never did.

No conversations or expressions,

As your emotions are hid,

And I’m lost in transgressions.

Have not the words to tell you,

What is in my thoughts,

And unsure as to intentions,

Behind your inner thoughts;

Distracted by attentions.

There are things on your mind,

But you won’t let me in either.

So I can’t tell if you do care,

Or if not, or neither.

Can’t you put your heart out there…

‘Cause mine is already there.

Oh, don’t you even care?

K. Aldaya, 11/12/05

Picture: “A Distant Figure” by larafairie on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/A-distant-figure-67889481

167. Written In the Stars

The stars on this eve,

Endless and vast, radiate;

With acceptance and light,

For whatever’s my fate.

Be it low. Be it great.

My yearning for reason,

Endlessly brings me out,

Into the darkness of night,

Seeing stars and worlds we doubt;

Though they’re always about.

Glistening in each eye,

As stars in this black-sky,

Are the flows of why….oh why?

Must I cry and die,

Alone beneath the sky?

No connections made,

Or constellations love-laid.

No compassion. Encourage.

And further lights fade;

For sore punishments paid.

Stars befriend sight,

With steady understanding.

For they know why I’m here,

Pleasant and ne’er demanding.

Never screaming nor commanding.

Stars do remind me,

Of what I truly am.

A lowly hint of glow,

Out of line with times’ program.

I sunk….then I swam.

For stars on this eve,

Endless and vast radiate,

With acceptance and light,

For what’s surely my fate,

Ever low. Never great.

K. Aldaya, 9/22/05

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://amazingpics.net/content/Lovely%20Forests/forests%20138.jpg

166. I Guess You Really Don’t Care

Did I hear you wrong or something?

I thought I heard you say you care?

And I would have given anything,

To hear it said again somewhere.

What has changed from last we talked?

You used to speak and share?

Now all you have done is walk,

Many times past me while I stare.

Why are you so distant now?

You used to touch my hair.

You hardly even touch me now;

Seem to forget I’m there.

You once told me you cared to know…

Everything ’bout me, made aware?

So why did you so quickly sow,

The seed of “I don’t care”?

K. Aldaya, 9/17/05

Picture: Photographer Unknown; https://lhueagleeye.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/halfwaybetweenthegutter-wordpress-com.jpg