188. Exploration of the Evidently Hidden

When you look at that face,

Can you see there disgrace?

Of the ancient days past,

Pushed down without trace;

Recollections aghast,

Etched into a face?

Beyond the known surface,

But clear more or less,

In outwardly appearance:

Eyes fraught with distress.

There for all to sense.

When that face you doth see,

Would you there then agree,

That the life there imposed,

Upon the skin which ye,

See in form transposed,

Is the face of the end,

Of times we all tend,

To cover with false flesh,

Must transcend…must transcend…

The falsities we mesh,

With hours, days, weeks, and years,

The compounding, it sears!

Now no more, yet much more,

Then we there place in tears.

Hidden where none do implore.

K. Aldaya, 12/11/05

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://img5.visualizeus.com/thumbs/58/b8/eyes,eye,green,magic-58b8090052213eee254d9c83bc65473d_h.jpg

187. What a Fraud!

I deeply hate you for your lies,

You told me that you cared for me,

But as I know well, love dies;

If there was ever such a thing,

Beyond the ageless cries.

How can you laugh and enjoy,

The pained days given forth.

Like a vile soul envoy,

That kills the hope of more.

No I’m not some f***ing toy!

Though thrown out as a whore.

What did I do to deserve,

Being a pawn you play,

To win a better hand serve,

By use of a body:

Simply a first observe,

By one, cold and haughty.

K. Aldaya, 11/21/05

Picture: Originally from http://fuckyeahtumblraddict.tumblr.com/; Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/225105/

186. Indispensible Notion

Exhaustion of changeless-thoughts,

Memories and emotions,

Which never give the heart room,

To live beyond its’ notions.

Tired of trying to change the rules,

Which were laid before the start,

As there was ne’er and option there,

To reject one’s own heart.

The horrid contradiction,

To hate but have to love,

The one thing that creates the hate,

Though was once destined for love.

K. Aldaya, 11/15/05

Picture: Originally from http://effondrement.tumblr.com/; Photographer Unknown; http://favim.com/image/54105/

185. Heart Aversion

I fear that you don’t love me,

Or that you never did.

No conversations or expressions,

As your emotions are hid,

And I’m lost in transgressions.

Have not the words to tell you,

What is in my thoughts,

And unsure as to intentions,

Behind your inner thoughts;

Distracted by attentions.

There are things on your mind,

But you won’t let me in either.

So I can’t tell if you do care,

Or if not, or neither.

Can’t you put your heart out there…

‘Cause mine is already there.

Oh, don’t you even care?

K. Aldaya, 11/12/05

Picture: “A Distant Figure” by larafairie on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/A-distant-figure-67889481

184. Conditional Love

I could proclaim a million times that I love you,

But it still wouldn’t change a thing;

And you’d still make me sad and rejected,

By words you say with a sting.

You tell me you want me around ’cause you love,

But you show it not by your actions;

For you tell me you worry about me,

Yet then lash out with bitter-shuns.

Why are you always so completely self-pitying?

I know you have troubles, as most do,

But why then would you make another,

More unhappy then ever were you?

Why can’t you just be happy for me?

As life is going well for now,

And I want my future to be different,

To be as auspicious as time will allow.

I know you only love me when I’m doing,

Something for you….then it’s love.

I’m tired of this consistent charade,

Of conditioned-love…

I want to rise above!

K. Aldaya, 11/7/05

Picture: “Rejected” by Alyssia-Teddy on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/rejected-46355178