253. Why?

I oft’ wonder why you chose me?

Why did you only choose to play,

Your sick sadist game with me?

Why was this my price to pay?

There were other easy targets;

Opportunities to relish.

Did you throw out many nets,

To catch the best trophy fish?

Oh, did you carefully choose me,

Because of who I am or was?

Was it personality?

Visual? Or just because?

Was it foul luck or destiny?

That I so young became your toy?

I born strange in some degree,

That in hurting gave more joy?

Was it fun finding a captive?

Destroying and haunting their dreams?

So every day they’d have to live,

Swimming in echoing-screams?

Did you know you would find a home,

Inside their head: a black shadow?

Ghost of you to haunt and roam?

Bring terror and lasting woe?

In dreams you haunt. It’s hard to sleep.

I know you are not there, but still…

It’s so real, can’t help but weep,

When you go hunting to kill.

Oh, how many years of running,

From your ghost at midnights’ hour?

Far too many spent singing,

In my head while I cower.

It’s like you are a part of me,

That I cannot escape or kill.

Which hunts the others in me.

Trying to kill all at will.

Isn’t it enough yet to stop?

You can smile and be glad. You win!

Took my soul and with a chop,

I became your sin,…yes, grin!

Oh, should I hope forgiveness comes?

Is that too much to hope for now?

And take from hearts’ beating-drums,

Your relentless black shadow?

Creak, Thump. Creak, Thump.

Creak, Thump, and a thud!

I can’t take it anymore….Go!

Go away! Leave my blood!!

Pour fast out of me and go!

I oft’ wonder why you chose me?

Why did you only chose to play,

Your sick sadist game with me?

Will my soul find peace someday?

Why was this my price to pay?

K. Aldaya, 10/11/13

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://www.planetcalypsoforum.com/gallery/files/1/5/9/6/0/jase_dark_basement.jpg

252. It’s Okay

It’s okay not to be happy.

It’s okay, my child.

Tomorrow the sun will rise again,

And hearts will again run wild;

Beating up and down the streets.

Flowing through the hours,

O’er-rushing with dreams of cakes and sweets,

And fields of endless flowers.

So it’s okay to cry and be sad.

It’s okay, my child.

Tomorrow the sun will rise again,

And yes, you will have smiled!

K. Aldaya, 9/4/13

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://extremelongevity.net/wp-content/uploads/Sunny-day1.jpg

251. Morning Run

The morning air is clear and fresh;

And whimsical as a fairy.

She spreads her wings and dances,

Through my skin to carry,…

Me on my way.

My heart beats and prances.

The sun is rising up from sleep.

“Good-morn to all”, she beams.

I greet with a yawning bow;

And just as fair water streams,

I flow and shine,

Run wet with sweat on brow,…

Stronger in my dreams!

K. Aldaya, 08/29/03

Picture: Photo from the campus of Duke University and Durham, North Carolina: Photographer Unknown; http://law.duke.edu/gallery/84&pil=5

250. Please Forgive Me

I’m really very sorry,

That I was born this way.

I’m really, truly, sorry,

That this won’t go away.

I know it is just awful,

To have a child as me;

And you must have a chestful,…

Of disappointment, and plea….

To your God, “Oh Why? Oh Why?”….

“Was I burdened with such?”

“A child so sinful to mortify,

My holy human touch?”

Children as that: all the same;

They all have the disease!

There is no cure for its’ name,

Or its’ eyes which displease.

I know you deeply hate me,

For being born this way.

Down on my knees I could plea,

But this won’t go away.

Sorry you had to bother.

Messed up your perfect plan.

Please, won’t you forgive me father,

For being a woman?

K. Aldaya, 8/26/13

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://merryfarmer.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/sad-little-girl.jpg

249. Gardens of Persephone

In the gardens of Persephone,

I’ve built a house for thee.

So every spring when flowers bloom,

They will bloom for thee.

And every morn when sun appears,

As Helios’ chariot veers,

Through the sky and warms your face;

Do not shed your tears!

For when spring’s gone and time moves on,

And the world seems dark even at dawn,

Remember that when seasons have passed,

Spring will return with a yawn.

To renew your spirits and hope:

To live on and to cope,

Until we meet again my love,

In the afterlife to elope….

Where I’ve built a house near Persephone,

And wave her off when she goes to thee;

Every spring, wait there patiently,

In the home, for us, in eternity.

K. Aldaya, 8/18/13

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://www.mrwallpaper.com/wallpapers/flower-field-sunset.jpg