33. I Will Stand Alone

I will stand alone with all I’ve known,

For my life is for me,

For only my eyes to see.

I have stood alone with each cry and moan,

Trying hard to forget,

Leaving residue of regret.

I now stand alone with the creaking of each bone.

I try to speak and release, feeling wrong in wanting peace.

I will stand alone ’cause no one’s on my phone,

For I don’t know how to be free,

To express my agony.

I have stood alone with each cry and moan,

For I’m guilty for my feelings,

For feeling my heart’s in peelings.

I now stand alone with all I have known,

For my life is for me.

For me, to see, and be.

K. Aldaya, 3/30/03

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://www.survival2020.com/wp-content/uploads/lonely-skeleton-survivor.jpg

32. Love?

Love?

Sometimes I feel I know what it is, but really I have no clue what it ’tis.

Only through dreams of fancy and thought, can we see how true love is sought.

Reality leaves little space for such, though love is needed in it so much.

With practicality and toughness people shrink their hearts to less and less.

They think only of their plights and selves, while there are many trapped in frozen cells.

Trapped in a cold and bitter world, where love is something kept up furled.

Love? It won’t be found until people see how horrible and cold they can be.

Too caught up in their daily routines to ever know what love truly means.

K. Aldaya, 10/17/03

Picture: Photographer Unknown; http://lakeshagadson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/one-lonely-person-in-crowd.jpg

31. Tired

I’m so tired.

Tired of being sad.

Tired of being mad.

Tired of crying.

Tired of trying.

Tired of thinking, feeling, and understanding.

I wish I were happy, joyful, and lively, but tired is all I am.

I’m just so tired.

Please…please…someone make this end!

I can’t take this anymore,…this life.

I feel empty and tired.

Just so very, very tired.

K. Aldaya, 9/21/02

Picture/GIF: from The Ring; https://38.media.tumblr.com/82b3053a9acf7f17ece7e68b9cf1dab3/tumblr_n08tallXtO1ra9vqfo1_500.gif

30. The Jungle of Forever

Here I am amidst this vast, dense jungle. How did I get here whence I came?

Green trees they reach high toward the sky, with each moment seeming larger.

The air is heavy with misty droplets that settle inside and weigh the heart down.

To the right: Fog and darkness

To the left: Black and gray

Underfoot is fresh green grass that’s life fades as you make your way out,

‘Til no grass is left; only blackened soil. “How do I leave this place”, I yell,

“And how did I get here”? My voice echoes and echoes ’til it can be heard no more.

“Please, help me. Please don’t leave me here”, I cry!

But all my voice does is slowly fade and then die.

I’m too scared to move or make another sound knowing not what the darkness holds,

So here I am still in this immense black jungle, not knowing why or how;

Not knowing how to escape from this prison.

This prison that holds me.

That holds me with it’s depths of misery and sadness.

Holds me down to that spot, in the vast jungle,

In that dark place where none can escape once there.

Where none can ever, ever escape.

K. Aldaya, 10/20/02

Picture: Artist Unknown; http://f.nanafiles.co.il/upload/Xternal/IsraBlog/37/91/82/829137/misc/26914710.jpg

29. Wants

I want to cry but no tears drop.

I want to sleep but sleeping does stop.

I want to dream, dreams where happiness rings,

But I dream rather nightmarish things.

I want to live a happy life but all life hands me is pain and strife.

I want but do I want too much?

For it sure seems as such.

K. Aldaya, 10/23/02

Picture: Dark Wood by Butsmak on Photobucket; http://s138.photobucket.com/user/butsmak/media/untitled.jpg.html