184. Conditional Love

I could proclaim a million times that I love you,

But it still wouldn’t change a thing;

And you’d still make me sad and rejected,

By words you say with a sting.

You tell me you want me around ’cause you love,

But you show it not by your actions;

For you tell me you worry about me,

Yet then lash out with bitter-shuns.

Why are you always so completely self-pitying?

I know you have troubles, as most do,

But why then would you make another,

More unhappy then ever were you?

Why can’t you just be happy for me?

As life is going well for now,

And I want my future to be different,

To be as auspicious as time will allow.

I know you only love me when I’m doing,

Something for you….then it’s love.

I’m tired of this consistent charade,

Of conditioned-love…

I want to rise above!

K. Aldaya, 11/7/05

Picture: “Rejected” by Alyssia-Teddy on Deviant Art; http://www.deviantart.com/art/rejected-46355178