47. I Do Seek

“Who was I”, you may ask,

What was hiding ‘yond the mask.

I want all to be able to see,

Me for me, when I no longer be.

That I am, and I once was,

Discover the soul for what it was.

I don’t want people to think I,

Always thought only of when I’ll die.

I tried my hardest to always see good,

Through life’s disappointments I stood.

I always tried to do the best,

Whilest my heart and mind were stressed.

I wanted to make others joyful,

Not drain their heart but keep it full.

I never wanted to ever cause,

Someone to break the happiness laws.

People may say I saw only bad,

But through all creation I saw much glad.

Don’t think I never, ever noticed,

All that’s found through natures’ mist.

The beauty of the clouds and stars;

Of all the planets, Earth through Mars.

The sight of which brought kind tears,

The vastness that goes out light-years.

The splendor of the fields and seas,

The seasons, even winter freeze.

I see it all, I am not blind,

The many times people are kind.

The many blessings handed me,

As being born where I am free.

I have lots to love I see,

Except myself, I just hate me.

This is what people should know,

I am my own great foe.

Everything can be so great,

But for myself it is too late.

I am often afraid and weak,

But never say I didn’t seek.

K. Aldaya, 3/20/04